Trampolene - Health & Wellbeing (At Wood Green Job Centre) lyrics

(Narrator) So, open your mind Picture the scene Health and Well Being Workshop in sunny Wood Green Fat ones, thin ones Clever ones, thick ones Black ones, white ones Some looking sh**e ones Some light green ones Some in between ones Some looking nice ones Some dead mean ones Shadows in the system In among the black bins Protestants and m**ms Atheists and pilgrims Not a pot to piss in Not about to give in Don't think of us as victims (Social Worker) God, I don't want to be Another doubting Thomas But from where I'm standing There's not a lot of promise You, yes you sir, you over there Lazing about In that rusty wheelchair What's preventing Your enjoyment Of gainful paid employment (Jobseeker 1) You mean well I can see But my legs don't work I've got hepatitis B And Hepatitis C And if it existed I'd have hepatitis Z Had some dirty habits A few years back I've never been the same Since my feet turned black For my new new co-workers Tongues might wag If I had to ask politely If they'd help me change my bag Lot to ask of someone Who might be here tomorrow I realise I'm sliding Down a slippery slope But you get used to living With very little hope (Narrator) Just an everyday scene In the Health and Well Being Workshop In sunny Wood Green (Social worker) And yes you, Madam, over there With the very heavy make up And dyed red hair You wouldn't be quite such a useless slob If you got yourself a decent job In fact you could be all the rage With a zero hour contract On the minimum wage (Jobseeker 2) Well, mam, the reason I've no work Is not much of a mystery Got no teeth, can't read And a criminal history Can't cook, can't count Can't sit on a tractor All my hopes are pinned On me winning X Factor Got a steady boyfriend He's from Soweto Says I got a brain Like mashed potato When I start thinking About my bills I just watch daytime telly With my collection of pills (Narrator) Just an everyday scene At the Health and Well Being Workshop In sunny Wood Green (Social worker) And you sir over there You look rather cool Can't have been that long ago That you were in school Imagine if you were Employed and active I'm sure that all the ladies Would consider you attractive (Jobseeker 3) Well I couldn't hack a job If you gave it on a plate Largely on account of My fragile mental state On a good day its neurosis On a bad day Its psychosis With hypnosis, cirrhosis And even deep brain thrombosis I mustn't forget to mention I get blackout dog depression And it's a relevant fact I'm on a fairly heavy section Of the mental health act Rather unfortunately It has to be said Got fired from my last job When I punched my old boss In the gob It had something to do With the changing of the seasons Bad day for us both But for very different reasons (Social worker) And young lady over there With your head between your knees In that pink plastic chair Please tell your friend Bob That wiring here for God Is not a proper job I can see you've got food Down the front Of your sweater But with a zero hour contract Your life would be better (Jobseeker 4) I hope you don't mind me saying That I find you kind of rude But I'm feeling pretty sh** And I got issues with food Well, I did zero hours And I had zero power sh**e job today And no job tomorrow It k**s me from inside All my hope just died So I just stumble through Hour by hour Never set foot In no ivory tower With my kind of life You're in two minds When you pick up a knife My mums gone off again With her prescription medication And her tattooed fascination Does fulfilment really lurk in the world of low paid Workers, shirkers Two small gurkas Lost ones, found ones Some unsound ones Some quite hateful, Some dead grateful One postnatal One gone rotten One Dot Dotton One implosion Going through the motions (Narrator) So we all move on Its another day gone And this what we've seen On life's trampoline At the Health and Wellbeing Workshop At Her Majesty's job centre In sunny Wood Green