Tommy Wiseau - The Room screenplay: Act V lyrics

Cut to the Disney store, where Johnny is walking. Cut to a dark room. Johnny enters and turns on the lights to find the whole cast. Everyone: Surprise! (they all sing Happy Birthday while Johnny says things like “wow”, “okay”, and “thank you”) Johnny toasts with everyone amid various celebratory mumblings. He offers Denny a drink, which Denny says he'll accept later. Cut to panning shot of the nighttime San Francisco skyline. Cut to the party, where various characters and non-characters are engaged in fake conversations. Johnny and Claudette are discussing something. Lisa is flirting with Steven, a character we've never seen before who is actually a last-minute replacement for Peter. Mark is watching them. Lisa and Mark exchange flirty looks. Johnny seems concerned. Mike and Michelle are flirting with another couple. Michelle and Mike start feeding each other cake. Lisa: Hey everybody, let's go outside for some fresh air. Everybody exits except for Lisa and Mark. Lisa: Wait. I have something I want to show you. Mark: Oh, really? They get on the couch, and Lisa drapes her legs across Mark's lap. Mark: So, uh, what do you want to show me? Lisa: It's a surprise. They start making out. Mark: What are you doing? I mean, are you crazy? Everybody's here. Lisa: No they're not. They're all outside. Mark: You devil. You planned this all along. They make out some more. Steven enters. Steven: What's going on here? They bolt upright. Steven: Why are you doing this? Lisa: I love him. Steven: I don't believe it. Mark: You don't understand anything, man. Leave your stupid comments in your pocket! Mark exits. Steven: Do you understand what you're doing? You're going to destroy Johnny. He's very sensitive. Lisa: I don't care. I'm in love with Mark. Steven: How can you do this? You make me sick. Johnny and Michelle enter. Johnny: Thank you, honey. This is a beautiful party. You invited all my friends. Good thinking! Lisa: You're welcome, darling. You know how much I love you. Johnny: I do. Ha-ha-ha. Lisa: You know, it's getting really hot in here. Why don't we go back outside? Johnny: Mhm. A-ha-ha. Everyone exits. Cut to a shot of a busy street at night. Cut to the party on the roof. Johnny waves at someone below him and off-camera. Johnny: Hey everybody! I have an announcement to make. We're expecting! Everyone congratulates Johnny. Lisa and Steven confront Lisa. Michelle: Lisa, I have to talk to you. You have got to be honest with Johnny. Steven: I agree with that. Lisa: Look, I'm gonna tell him, okay? I just, I don't want to ruin his birthday. Steven: When is the baby due? Lisa: There is no baby. Steven and Michelle: What?! Steven: What are you talking about? Lisa: I told him that to make it interesting. We're probably going to have a baby eventually anyway. You're not going to tell Johnny, are you? Michelle: Lisa, are you feeling okay? Because this is just getting worse and worse. Steven: I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off. Michelle: Me too. There's no simple solution to this. Lisa: Don't worry. You guys worry entirely too much about me. Michelle: Lisa, we're not worried about you. We're worried about Johnny. You don't understand the psychological impact of what you're doing here. You're hurting yourself. You're hurting our friendship. Lisa: I am not responsible for Johnny. I'm through with that. I'm changing. I have the right, don't I? People are changing all the time. I have to think about my future. What's it to you? Steven: This is going to pull us all down. It's going to shake up our group of friends. It's going to destroy our friendship, Lisa. I don't think Mark really loves you. Lisa: I don't want to talk about it! Michelle: Lisa, you're going to have to face it. I for one am going to have a hard time forgiving you if you don't. Lisa: Hey everybody! Let's go inside and eat some cake. Everyone exits enthusiastically. Michelle looks pained. Michelle: I don't understand you, Lisa. Cut to some random building at night. Cut to the party, where a random couple is eating cake. Random dude: Lisa looks hot tonight. Johnny and Claudette are chatting. Mark and Lisa are arguing. Mark: Whose baby is it? Is it mine? Lisa: No, of course not. Mark: How can you be sure? Come on, Lisa. Lisa: Stop asking me stupid questions! Mark: Who the hell do you think you are? Lisa: Just shut up! She slaps him. Johnny: What are you doing? What's going on here? Mark: You really don't know, do you? Johnny: (shoving Mark) Maybe I know more than you think I do, Mark! Mark: You don't know sh**, alright? Johnny: (shoving Mark into a table) What do you want from me, hunh? Mark attacks Johnny. Steven, Lisa, et al pull them apart. Lisa: Stop it! Johnny: Alright, alright. Okay, folks, everything is fine. Fight is over, folks. I'm sorry, Mark. They shake hands. Mark: Yeah, me too. Johnny: Lisa, can, can you clean up here, please? Cut to the skyline at night. Cut to the party, where Mark and Lisa are slow dancing. Johnny confronts them Johnny: What are you doing? Lisa: None of your business. Johnny: You're my future wife. What are you doing, Lisa? Mark: Leave her alone, man, she doesn't want to talk to you. Johnny: (attacking Mark) Since when do you give me orders? Mark: Since Lisa changed her mind about you. Wake up, man, what planet are you on? Johnny: I think you should leave right now, Mark. Lisa: Don't spoil it, we were just having fun. Mark: Don't worry about it, man. Johnny: Don't touch me, motherf**er! Get out. Mark and Johnny fight. Lisa: Stop it! Stop it! You two are acting like children. Mark: Son of a b**h. Lisa: You're going to ruin the party. Mark: If you'd keep your girl satisfied, she wouldn't come to me! Johnny: Get out of my house! I k** you, I break every bone in your body! Lisa: Stop it! Johnny: I k** you, you ba*tard. Mark: You couldn't k** me if you tried. Johnny: You betrayed me, you're not good, you're just a chicken, cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep. They fight some more. Johnny: Shut up! Steven: It's over! It's over! Johnny: It's not over! Everybody betray me! I fed up with this world! Johnny exits upstairs. Cut to a shot of the Disney store at night. Cut to Claudette entering the bedroom to find Lisa. Claudette: I cleaned up the kitchen, sweetheart, so you don't have to worry about that. Lisa: He still won't come out of the bathroom. Claudette: Sweetheart, he's upset. Now Johnny is a sensible man. He will come out, you will discuss this, everything is going to be okay. Lisa: I just think I should be alone with him right now. Claudette: I understand, sweetheart. I'm going to go home now. Bye bye. You can call me if you need me. Lisa: I will. Thanks, mom. Claudette exits downstairs. Lisa tries to open the bathroom door, but it's locked. Lisa: You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone. Johnny: In a few minutes, b**h. Lisa: Who are you calling a b**h? Johnny: You and your stupid mother. Lisa picks up the phone and calls Mark. Mark: Hello? Lisa: Hi, Mark? I need to talk to you. Mark: What's going on? Lisa: Don't worry about Johnny, he's just being a big baby. You know, I love you very much. We see Johnny is straining to hear this through the bathroom door. Lisa: I love you. Mark: Why don't you ditch this creep? I don't like him anymore. Lisa: I know. He's not worth it. Why don't I come up there and be with you? Mark: Sure baby, come on up. I want your body. Lisa: You got it. I'm on my way. Bye. Mark: Bye. Johnny enters the bedroom. Johnny: Who were you talking to? Lisa: Nobody. Johnny: We'll see about that. Johnny retrieves the tape from the recorder (or something; the technical process here makes very little sense). Johnny: We'll see about that. He plays the tape. Mark (recording): Hello? Lisa (recording): Hi, Mark? I need to talk to you. Mark (recording): What's going on? Lisa (recording): Don't worry about Johnny, he's just being a big baby. You know, I love you very much. You're the sparkle of my life (this is a deviation from the original conversation, you'll note). I can't live without you. I love you. Johnny: You little tramp. How could you do this to me?! I gave you seven years of my life! And you betray me. Let's see what else we have on this tape. Lisa: No. Stop. You little prick. I put up with you for seven years. You think you're an angel. You're just like everybody. Johnny: I treat you like a princess, and you stab me in the back. I love you, and I did anything for you to just please you, and now you betray me! How could you love him?! Mark (recording): Why don't you ditch this creep? I don't like him anymore. Lisa (recording): I know, he's not worth it. Why don't I come up there and be with you? Mark (recording): Sure baby, come on up. I want your body. Lisa (recording): You got it. Johnny: Aughhhhhhhh!!! (he hurls the tape player against the wall) Everybody betray me. I don't have a friend in the world. Lisa: I'm leaving you, Johnny. Lisa exits downstairs. Johnny: Get out, get out, get out of my life! Agh! Johnny collapses on the bed. Cut to Johnny descending the stairs into the room. Johnny: Haughhhh-augh! Why, Lisa, why, why?! Flashback of Lisa laughing with Johnny's tie around her head. Flashback of Lisa and Johnny kissing. Flashback of Lisa and Johnny having s**. Johnny: You b**h! Johnny knocks over a bowl of fake fruit, some furniture, and everything on the mantle. He picks up the TV and hurls it out the window. Johnny: You b**h! You b**h! Cut to Johnny re-entering the bedroom, howling incomprehensibly. He knocks stuff off the dresser, pulls out all the drawers, and shoves it over. He pulls all the sheets off the bed. He flings himself on the bed. Flashback to Johnny and Lisa having s**. Johnny knocks over some more stuff and shatters a mirror. He sits on the floor and picks up Lisa's red dress. Flashback to Lisa trying on the dress. Johnny dry-humps the dress amid flashbacks of f**ing Lisa when she was wearing it. Johnny: You tramp! He tears the dress up. Flashback to Lisa and Mark dancing. Flashback to Lisa saying “I put up with you” Johnny picks up a box and opens it to reveal a handgun. Johnny: Why? Why is this happening to me? Why?! It's over. God, forgive me. Flashback to Lisa saying “everything will be alright” Johnny puts the gun in his mouth. Flashback to Lisa saying “goodbye, Johnny” Johnny fires the gun and falls backward in slow motion. Fade to black. Cut to Mark and Lisa dashing into the bedroom to find Johnny's bloody corpse. Mark: Wake up, Johnny, come on! Johnny is clearly dead and blood is everywhere. Lisa: Is he dead? (sobbing) My god, Mark, is he dead? Mark: Yes, he's dead. Yes he's dead! Lisa: (sobbing) Oh my god… Mark slowly kisses Johnny's forehead. Lisa: Oh my god. Mark and Lisa embrace. Lisa: I've lost him, but I still have you, right? Right? Mark: You don't have me. You'll never have me. You k**ed him. Lisa: Mark, we're free to be together. I love you. I love you! Mark: Tramp! You k**ed him. You're the cause of all of this. I don't love you. Get out of my life, you b**h! Denny enters. Denny: What's happening?! Mark: Johnny's dead! Denny: Wake up, Tommy, please, please! It's not right! It's not right! Lisa: Denny, he's in a better place. Denny: Leave us! Both of you leave. Mark: As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the earth. That's a promise. Denny: Just leave! Both of you! Mark: Leave him, alright! Let him be with him! Denny: Why, Johnny? Why? Johnny, why? Why? Denny sobs. Mark and Lisa, who were in the process of leaving, rejoin Denny and comfort him. We hear police sirens. The three of them appear to take turns fellating Johnny's corpse as we hear chatter from the streets: Female Pedestrian: What's going on? What's happening? Male Pedestrian: Is everything okay? Female Pedestrian: I heard a shot! Male Pedestrian: I thought I saw smoke. Female Pedestrian: What's going on? Male Pedestrian: I have a cell phone. Female Pedestrian: Call 9-11. Female Pedestrian: Is everyone okay? Fade to black and roll credits.