TomHaynes - VLOG 01- 23/24 October Transcription lyrics

[Background Music: No Role Modelz] Shot of Geography cla**room with Pat and James talking to the camera. JAMES: Hey Pat. PATRICK: Would you like to... Would you like to announce the first VLOG? JAMES: Yeah, this is uh, the first VLOG. Both simultaneously turn to camera and put their thumbs up. James standing up and dancing awkwardly. Cordell standing on the top courts with a small hat with a title overlaid on top reading 'TJS VLOG #1 - 23rd-24th October'. PATRICK: Say hi to the daily VLOG. NIELS: Uh, hey. JACK: CATCH IT! Niels attempts to catch a ball thrown by Jack but fails miserably. He, Tony and Tom all try to pick the live ball up but also, fail miserably. TONY: Hello! TOM: Is this the VLOG? PATRICK: Yeah, this is th- TOM: Did I... Am I in the VLOG. PATRICK: You're in the VLOG now. TOM: Aww, sick. Camera zooms up onto Niels' who is weirdly doing work. PATRICK: Niels. Niels looks up and puts the finger up. Cut to the Table of Brotherhood, TJS having lunch. TOM: Oh, for f** sake. I'm going to cut you. Jack using football as a microphone, interviewing Niels. JACK: Niels, what are your thoughts on the channel merger? NIELS (with food in this mouth): f**ing sh**. JACK: Can you deepthroat this ball? NIELS: No. PATRICK: Can you try? JACK: Can you try for the viewers? NIELS: No. TODD: One of his holes can. JACK: Catch it! Cut to the top courts, where the ball is being punted. Cordell takes the punt, evades Ryan with a spin move and advances the ball about 20 metres. PATRICK: Oo. Cut to shot of cla**room with Dougie and a lurking drawn penis in the corner. Camera zooms in while Dougie is opening his mouth to yawn and the penis enters his mouth. Cut to same shot of James standing up and dancing awkwardly. Cut to shot of car, driving to basketball. NIELS: Don't distract the driver. PATRICK: Sorry, you're not even driving. NIELS: Don't distract the driver. Pan to Nic, who is next to Niels in the car. NIC: Don't distract the pa**enger. Cut to same car drive, Cordell is filling a bottle cap with unknown substance. PATRICK: Dude, what are you doing? CORDELL: You have to uh, level it out. He taps the cap on the side of the car. Cut to basketball court. There are 4 iPhone 6's on the floor. PATRICK: Contemporary iPhone art. Cordell flicks the phones rapidly, making them move unpredictably. Shot of the bench of the basketball game on the court, where TJS is located. RYAN: It went backwards! JACK: Worst shot in basketball history. PATRICK: What happened, what happened, what happened? JACK: She shot a layup, it went behind her head. RYAN: It went backwards. CORDELL: Is this VLOG? VLOG. Cut to carpark, where Niels is putting sh** in the back of the car. PATRICK: Coming off a big win with the boys. NIELS: I'm going to burn you. I'm going to. CORDELL: Got my tail feather... And i'm in the rape bus. Cut to shot of driving in the car back from basketball, with Often by The Weeknd in the background. Patrick, Niels and Cordell attempt to sing it. Shot of Patrick, walking to Manly in the night. PATRICK: Can I VLOG? Can I VLOG? Matt pops up out of nowhere MATTEO: Hello there! My name is Marcelo- RYAN: Shut up Matteo. Cut to shot of Patrick pushing him away. MATTEO: You have two dollars? You have two cents for some chicken nuggets? Ryan (manning the camera) hits Matt in the face with the camera. Matt's face flies back. RYAN: Get smack-cam, b**h. Shot of Matt getting hit in the face played over and over. Cut to dinner at Guzman NEWBIE: Awwwwww. Cut to timelapse of Ryan, Patrick, Niels, Cordell and Matteo playing vortex volleyball. Cut to Niels, Pat and Cordell walking up Jack's driveway and into his room, the day after. JACK: Literally, 19 hours later. Cut to night time, Niels is in the car which has broken down, looking hopeless and Cordell, Patrick and Jack are standing outside of the car. CORDELL: Google, my Fiat won't start. More shots of Niels attempting to work his car JACK: Maccas is the other way, you f**ing idiot. Jack looking at the camera, pissed. CORDELL: He's trying the indicator. Cut to same shot of James standing up and dancing awkwardly. Cut to shot of Niels outside of the car, checking the hood. CORDELL: It's completely locked up. That's dangerous. There could be serious injuries. Thanks for Mr. Ayre. Camera zooms up on Niels face, looking subsequently confused and pissed off. NIELS: Cordell... PATRICK: The car broke, uh, then we called the dad. JACK: Johannes. PATRICK: Johannes. CORDELL: The German mechanic. PATRICK: And we're at Maccas now. Shot of Niels parking car. JACK: Stall! Cut to Jack's house, eating McDonalds. NIELS: Okay stop, you can't- Cut to TV screen, playing Madden 16. NIELS: Manning up Dez. JACK: You got f**ing burnt. OH NO LAY HIM OUT! Compilation of squad getting hyped playing Madden, screaming as loud as possible with shots of Matt getting hit and James dancing woven in there. JACK: Oh okay! LET THE REFS TELL US! Cut to shot of Jack, Pat, Niels and Cordell sitting on the couch, with the music stopping suddenly. JACK: Niels, how are you? CORDELL: How do you like the new channel merge? JACK: How do you feel about the new channel merge, Niels? Knowing that this is the first VLOG for the channel merge, how do you feel? NIELS: I'm going to report all the videos for bullying. JACK: Well we're actually going to delete you from the channel, so f** you dude. Music comes back, with a title screen saying 'Shoutout to the squad. Thanks for watching. VLOG, over. Compilation of the moments in the VLOG happen in quick succession to end the VLOG.