Tom Smith (2) - Two Guys Kissin' Ruined My Life lyrics

I was sittin' at home the other day Beer in hand, pizza on the way An' Turner Cla**ic Movies -- not Turner and Hooch Christopher Reeve and Michael Caine Were drivin' Dyan Cannon insane But after they k**ed her, I saw the two of 'em smooch I hadn't felt so weird since I was young I'm not sure but I think there mighta been tongue And I didn't understand -- they both were men! Then a voice in my head said, "Yeah, so what?" And I noticed Chris had a real nice bu*t And I knew I was never gonna be the same again Well, I walked the straight and narrow But now it's a little bent I used to be full hetero I wonder where that went Have to quit being a Scoutmaster Do I have to leave my wife? Two guys kissin' ruined my life I shook my head and I changed the channel And I saw some guy wearin' a cap and flannel Sayin' he was a lumberjack and he was okay I kept on surfin', got Brokeback Mountain Rocky Horror, The Birdcage, and I stopped countin' When I got to Bravo and the whole damn network was gay I sat and I squirmed with the funniest feelin' I figured I needed some s**ual healin' -- Oh! That's by MARVIN Gaye, oh, my achin' head I'd'a sworn I was straight till I saw that kissin' But it'd shown me somethin' I'd been missin' -- I'd ruled out half of humanity sharin' my bed Well, the techniques all look normal But the details are kinda weird Does a mustache act like Velcro When it runs into a beard? Agonizing' reappraisal Has caused me endless strife Two guys kissin' ruined my life The internet and magazines, and every film and book This slashy stuff is all I'm seein' everywhere I look When football players watch each other, it seems more intense And all this Harry/Draco stuff is starting to make sense Each time I thought about it, I wondered, should I try To have a close encounter with another horny guy? 'Cause it would still be cheatin' on my wife, I'm pretty sure I could tell her "It ain't another woman" -- but it sure as heck ain't her Then my mouth wrote a check I couldn't afford We was watchin' the People's Choice Awards -- Hugh Jackman and Jude Law gettin' touchy-feely I said, "Yeah, I bet they're the People Choice Even I might like kissin' one o' them boys," And my wife said in a sultry voice, "Really?" Since then our love life is frickin' unreal We've learned to share, how to say what we feel She tells me her fantasies, and I tell her mine It's more romance than we've ever had But there is one thing that makes me mad -- I've gotten addicted to Queer Eye and Top Design My NASCAR buddies shun me And my parish said "Goodbye" But the girls down at the office Think I'm their kinda guy I've lost all my machismo With acceptance I am rife Two guys kissin' ruined my life Two guys kissin' ruined my life