Tom Paxton - Don't Slay That Potato lyrics

How can you do it; it's heartless, it's cruel It's murder, cold-blooded, it's gross To slay a poor vegetable just for your stew Or to serve with some cheese sauce on toast Have you no decency, have you no shame Have you no conscience, you cad To rip that poor vegetable out of the earth Away from its poor mom and dad Oh, no, don't slay that potato Let us be merciful, please Don't boil it or fry it Don't even freeze-dry it Don't dice it or flake it For God's sake, don't bake it Don't shed the poor blood Of that poor helpless spud That's the worst kind of thing you could do Oh, no, don't slay that potato What never done nothing to you Why not try picking on something your size Instead of some carrot or bean The peas are all trembling there in their pod Just because you're so vicious and mean How would you like to be grabbed by your hair And be ruthlessly yanked from your bed And have done to you God knows what horrible things To be eaten with full-fibre bread Oh, no, don't slay that potato Let us be merciful, please Don't boil it or fry it Don't even freeze-dry it Don't dice it or flake it For God's sake, don't bake it Don't shed the poor blood Of this poor helpless spud That's the worst kind of thing you could do Oh, no, don't slay that potato What never done nothing to you It's no bed of roses, this vegetable life You're basically stuck in the mud You don't get around much, you don't see the sights If you're a carrot or celery or spud You're helpless when somebody's flea-bitten dog Takes a notion to pause for relief Then somebody picks you and cleans you and eats you And causes you nothing but grief Oh, no, don't slay that potato Let us be merciful, please Don't boil it or fry it Don't even freeze-dry it Don't dice it or flake it For God's sake, don't bake it Don't shed the poor blood Of that poor helpless spud That's the worst kind of thing you could do Oh, no, don't slay that potato What never done nothing to you There ought to be some way of saving our skins They ought to be pa**ing a law Just show anybody a cute little lamb And they'll all stand around and go - Aw! Well, potatoes are ugly, potatoes are plain We're wrinkled and bumpy to boot But give me a break kid, do you mean to say That you'll eat us because we're not cute Oh, no, don't slay that potato Let us be merciful, please Don't boil it or fry it Don't even freeze-dry it Don't dice it or flake it For God's sake, don't bake it Don't shed the poor blood Of that poor helpless spud That's the worst kind of thing you could do Oh, no, don't slay that potato What never done nothing to you Oh, no, don't slay that potato What never done nothing to you