Tom Green - Hey Masturbator lyrics

OH OH OH! (squishy sound) Sitting in my house And I know that I'm alone, Feeling kind'a horny Got a tingle in my bone Go and grab a Penthouse It's the one with Sharon Stone, HEY MASTURBATOR! I go a little faster When it's feeling kind'a nice Once ain't enough so I have to do it twice If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advice HEY MASTURBATOR! *Woman moans* I use some baby oil Or a little vaseline Laying down a towel So I keep my carpet clean Never shake my hand Cuz' you don't know where it's been HEY MASTURBATOR! I do it in my car While I'm driving down the street One hand on the wheel And the other on my meat I can't get out the car Cuz I'm sticking to the seat HEY MASTURBATOR! *Tom Green, a goat and the woman moan* Since I was a kid I have been a masturbator Choke the chicken Hold the knob Squeezing the tomato I flip to miss November Now I'm gonna decorate 'er HEY MASTURBATOR! Buffing the banana Drain the lizard Shake and bake'em Pounding on the flounder And it's mayonnaise I'm makin' Spank the frank Wax the carrot God my hand it's aching HEY MASTURBATOR! *everyone moans* HEY MASTURBATOR!