Timothy Brindle - The Darkness of My Heart lyrics

(3.) The Darkness of My Heart and (4.) The Compa**ion of Christ (to be listened together) Written by timothy brindle (The Darkness of my Heart) “The whole head is sick!” (Isaiah 1:5) So sin's mold is in all of brindle's soul's crevices Living life by “the law of timothy” Caused a near loss of family and a loss of ministry So in the pit of sin I often ask the question: Why am I such an awful tragic mess?, and I wrote this candidly, a hopeless man is me But is cuz I'm from a broken family? Are my problems rooted in my childhood? Cuz without good family structure, I now should… Consider them, my griefs and my calamities Are they legitimate reasons for insanity? Cuz it's apparent my parent's marriage was broken But I respond as such: my god is lust that I hope in Giving me the ability to “feel at ease” in the moment But in my pain I suffer, can I blame another for my own sin? It's blame-shifting! But is early exposure that which has made my brain twisted? Or was I born with this bent to love disgusting sin? And p**n is the event that shows I'm shunning Him- Diseased and sick Completely convinced I need this sin, I'd fiend for it How easy the evil one deceives this twit Cuz what I seek, digs a deeper pit! What blasphemous nastiness In that it's my own ravenous savage sins that had me crash in this! Yet I rage at the LORD with my anger galore (Proverbs 19:3) So hush and listen if I sound like just a victim I'm even more a rebel from my disgusting sinning (2x) Cuz I respond in blatant rebellion A slave to the abominations I fell in And since this sinner profaned His Honor Hence the inner cold pain and trauma Now all bottled up inside's a lot of stuff to hide Like rage, rotten lust and pride Plus mixed with a big list of sicknesses Manifested in wicked addictive sins Angry at God—I vowed not trust Him I'll find escape now in the rush of lusting Instead of turning to the Creator who made me I prefer my own ways to be “pain free” To medicate the horrendous dread within Let me get the best pleasure as my medicine So matter fact: I better build a wall Around my heart so I can never feel at all! So the result of this is an idolatrous Autonomous, independent godless kid To avoid pain in the deepest part within I'll never ever let any (One) in my heart again!!! (The Compa**ion of Christ) But as I who*e in the dark There's Someone gently knocking on the door of my heart But to open up—is NOT AN OPTION, NEVER! Remember that vow? It's closed off forever! (Who is it?) “It's the King of Love—the Blessed Savior He came to dig deep like an excavator To take your shame, sin stains and pain And remain as your Life Source—your respirator!” But I've never allowed any in before This devilish child—has many sins and sores So perhaps it's a mistake, Lord He said, “No actually, you're exactly who I came for!!!” But I spent my life violently despising Thee Yet your reply is: You delight in me??? Stay away from this awful ruined soul! But that's when You called me Beautiful!!! I tried to just shun Him—but I'm tired of running And the Messiah really desires to come in He's pursued me in this pit that I'm trapped in And I can no longer resist His Compa**ion! I'm made in Your Image but I need restored I see Your Heart of Mercy beaming forth So I invite You Christ—come into this place Pour Your Currents of Mercy—Rivers of Grace I thought this heart was unredeemable Too rotten, dark—the scum's uncleanable The depths of its d**h I deemed unreachable And You're the only One who wants to clean my soul! You rightly exposed the depths of hardness Your Light has shown how wretched my heart is But not to condemn me, to wash and then cleanse me And reign in life over the d**h and the darkness You didn't expose me to leave me feeling dirty But to heal and purge me and reveal Your Mercy That it's Infinitely greater than my sin And You're Healing is greater than my pain that's within I should be left to be doomed to the tomb But I'm rescued from d**h—through my Union with You! Rose from the dead—You broke the head of Satan (Gen. 3:15) Now I'm a part of Your Global Restoration I had no rest like an insomniac Now cuz of Your Righteousness—Your Father's glad And my wife and kids, You brought them back And restored my relationships with Mom and Dad (Malachi 4:6, Luke 1:17) You take pleasure in renewing the ruined (Psalm 147:2-3, 149:4) United to Christ now I truly am human So my heart is alive to love and to praise and to give And encourage those enslaved to their pain and their sin Hoisted on the Roman Tree in blackness Your Voice it groaned for me to have this You Rose to free us captives, I'm ravished How You're now rejoicing over me in gladness!!! (Zephaniah 3:17) Jesus—I give You every pain in my soul (Psalm 55:22) Here's my s**uality I thought Satan had stole And here's my sin that You paid as a whole Here's the throne of my heart—please reign in control!!! (Rom. 6:12-14) “Bless the LORD, O my soul And forget not all his benefits 3 who forgives all your iniquity Who heals all your diseases 4 who redeems your life from the pit Who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy 5 who satisfies you with good So that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.” Psalm 103:2-5 ESV