Tim Minchin - Fat Children lyrics

Do not feed doughnuts to your obese children You will regret it when they're in their teens Maccas might shut them up now that they're seven But they won't forgive you when They're getting picked last for PE Don't you see? Boombalata motherf**er Have you noticed that yo kids are fat? What are you going to do about that? What are you going to do? So you telling me that your family Has a history of obesity You got a wire loose in your pituitary It's just the way that God made me It's unlikely, statistically To be a physical thing But either way it don't explain why you Are in the queue at Burger King You can blame it on biology You can blame your physiology You can point to genealogy And your social anthropology You can say you are an ectomorph That you just can't get the kilos orf Well you can be what you wanna be But stop feeding that boy KFC He weighs 30 kilos and he's only three He looks like a clean-shaven Pavarotti Switching to Diet Coke is not the way back Boombalata motherf**er Your kid's a fat, have you noticed that? Your 5 year old princess in her size 14 tutu Only eats pizza like that because you do And you, you should feel ashamed For you have only got yourself to blame Will be dead of a heart attack Before your grandchildren are ten Perhaps you'll consider A cut-back on extra fries then Boombalata kiddie-stuffer Have you noticed that your kids are fat? What are you gonna do about that? What are you gonna do? So you're telling me that your family Has a history of obesity You got the polycystic ovaries Your mum had childhood diabetes But – and in your case There's a f**ing big bu*t Do you think it's an appropriate treat The all-you-can-eat at Pizza Hut? There's no excuse you silly goose For a child with a caboose Like a moose who's eaten too much mousse It's tantamount to child abuse Kick them off the f**ing couch Unplug the Playstation Send them down to the park If they don't wanna go, make 'em Tell them they have to jog Until their jogging shorts fit 'em If they hesitate, ask firmly If they still resist, hit 'em Is this what you want for your girl and your guy? These chips off the pork chop, for the toffee apples of your eye? Kit Kats in value packs are not the way back Boombalata Motherf**er Your kids are fat, did you notice that? And you, you should feel ashamed For you have only got yourself to blame Your 6 year old miniature Jabba the Hut Eating half melted Mars Bars from the folds of his gut He'll be looking for a kidney Before your grandchildren are ten Perhaps you'll consider A cut-back on Taco Bell then Perhaps you'll consider A cut-back on Krispy Kreme doughnuts And Popcorn in bucket-sized boxes And microwave pizza or drive through McDonalds For weeknightly dinners in front of the TV And notes to the phys-ed instructor saying Timmy has asthma but he really just gets short of breath Cos he's 35 kilos above the ideal weight Of 35 kilos for a nine year old boy