Tim Minchin - Some People Have It Worse lyrics

Well I wake up in the morning At 11:47 And I can't believe I have to face The horror of another f**ing day And the magnificent magnitude Of my morning erection Merely mocks me like the sun In its optimistic greeting of the day Managing to manifest A modicum of motivation I meander to the kitchen Make a mission out of mixing Nescafé But the milk is going off And coffee by itself is bitter And there's ants all through the sugar And the supermarket's miles-a-f**ing-way My life is pretty sad But I know that I should be glad At least I'm not a starving Ethiope Or a policeman in Baghdad At 11:53 I instigate the day's ablutions In the hope my constitution Can be altered by some action on the bowl But the total non-existence Of colonic animation Seems to me the perfect metaphor For the utter constipation of my soul By 11:59 I have decided that my life Would be Immediately improved By a carefully written list of short-term goals But by 12:05 my list consists of One dot: put some pants on Two dot: go to the shop Buy some prunes and Panadol My life is pretty sh** But I know I shouldn't whinge about it I could be a Palestinian Driving buses on the Gaza Strip Yeah, how bad can it be? Some people have it worse than me I could be a Ipswich prostitute Or Gary Glitter's family I have no right to cry Some people have it worse than I I could be a thalidomide kid With something in my eye At 12:30 I realise I'm feeling so dejected That I've totally neglected The beginning of the Jerry Springer show So I settle on the sofa Try to focus an iota Of my motor neurons on the Brilliant insights for which Jerry is known And although on any other day A show entitled 'Midgets Midget Midgets!' Would excite me like a virgin At her year eleven ball Today those little jelly-wresting Fellows fail to free me of my Misery, instead they simply Serve to make me feel three foot tall But how bad can it be? Some people have it worse than me I could be a junior lifesaver On a Banda Aceh beach Or a woman in the Taliban Or a Jew in the Ku Klux Klan Or the architect of the World Trade Centre Or a morturist in Mianyang I could have my identity mistaken As a bomber in an underground station I could be a peace-loving speech writer In George W's administration Yeah I know that I don't have the right To be unhappy with my life I could be Hitler's mother Or Shane Warne's wife And you know that I shouldn't be b**hing I could be in a worse position I could be a 3-nippled naturopath In the days of the Spanish inquisition I know I have no right to cry Some people have it much much worse than I I could have a serious nut allergy And be shipwrecked on an island With a crate of Snickers bars A jar of Nutella and a fresh baked pecan pie Some people have it worse than I