Tim Minchin - If You Open Your Mind Too Much Your Brain Will Fall Out (or: Take My Wife) lyrics

If anyone can show me one example In the history of the world Of a single psychic Who has been able to prove Under reasonable experimental conditions That they are able to read minds And if anyone can show me one example In the history of the world Of a single astrologer Who has been able to prove Under reasonable experimental conditions That they can predict future human events By interpreting celestial signs And if anyone can show me one example In the history of the world Of a single homeopathic practitioner Who has been able to prove Under reasonable experimental conditions That solutions made of infinitely tiny particles of good stuff Dissolved repeatedly into relatively huge quantities of water Has a consistently higher medicinal value Than a similarly-administered placebo And if anyone can show me one example In the history of the world Of a single spiritual or religious person Who has been able to prove Either logically or empirically The existence of a higher power That has any consciousness or interest in the human race Or ability to punish or reward humans for their moral choices Or that there is any reason other than fear To believe in any version Of an afterlife I will give you my piano One of my legs And my wife