Tim Minchin - The Good Book lyrics

Life is like an ocean voyage and our bodies are the ships And without a moral compa** we would all be cast adrift So to keep us on our bearings, the Lord gave us a gift And like most gifts you get, it was a book I only read one book, but it's a good book, don't you know I act the way I act because the Good Book tells me so If I wanna know how to be good, it's to the Good Book that I go Cause the Good Book is a book and it is good and it's a book I know the Good Book's good because the Good Book says it's good I know the Good Book knows it's good because a really good book would You wouldn't cook without a cookbook and I think it's understood You can't be good without a Good Book cause it's good and it's a book And it is good for cookin' I tried to read some other books, but I soon gave up on that The paragraphs ain't numbered and they complicate the facts I can't read Harry Potter cause they're worshipping false gods and that And Dumbledore's a poofter and that's bad, cause it's not good Morality is written there in simple white and black I feel sorry for you heathens, got to think about all that Good is good and evil's bad and goats are good and pigs are crap You'll find which one is which in the Good Book, cause it's good And it's a book, and it's a book I had a cat, she gave birth to a litter The kittens were adorable and they made my family laugh But as they grew they started misbehavin' So I drowned the little f**ers in the bath When the creatures in your care start being menaces The answers can be found right there in Genesis! Chapter 6, Verse 5-7! Swing your partner by the hand Have a baby if you can But if the voices your head Say to sacrifice your kid To satiate your loving God's Fetish for dead baby blood It's simple faith, the Book demands So raise that knife up in your hand! Before the Good Book made us good, there was no good way to know If a thing was good or not that good or kind of touch and go So God decided he'd give writing allegoric prose a go And so he wrote a book and it was generally well-received The Telegraph said, "This God is reminiscent of the Norse." The Times said, "Kind of turgid, but I liked the bit with horses." The Mail said, "Lots of ma**acres, a violent tour de force." If you only read one book this year, then this one is a book And it is good, and it's a book! Swing your daughter by the hand But if she gets raped by a man And refuses then to marry him Stone her to d**h! If you just close your eyes and block your ears To the accumulated knowledge of the last two thousand years Then morally, guess what? You're off the hook And thank Christ you only have to read one book Just because the book's contents Were written generations hence By hairy desert-dwelling gents Squatting in their dusty tents Just because what Heaven said Was said before they'd leavened bread Just cause Jesus couldn't read Doesn't mean that we should need When manipulating human genes To alleviate pain and fight disease When deciding whether it's wrong or right To help the dyin' let go of life Or stop a pregnancy when it's Just a tiny blastocyst There's no reason why we should take a look At any other book But the Good Book 'Cause it's good And it's a book And it's a book And it's quite good! Good is good and evil's bad And kids get k**ed when God gets mad And you'd better take a good look At the Good Book