Tim Minchin - Hello lyrics

Hello Welcome to our show We're glad that you could come We're gonna have a hoot We're gonna have some fun Sit back Put your feet up and relax I hope you've had a drink or three The more you've drunk The better I will be And if you have a mobile phone Please turn it off [Extended pause] Thank you And if you have Tourette's syndrome Just do whatever it is you people do And if you are offended by strong language or blasphemy Maybe you should chuff off home Cause it's only gonna get worse Only gonna get worse Only gonna get worse From now on (c*nt) My name is Tim I write funny songs and sing And if you don't think funny songs are funny Well I respect your right To think exactly what you like But you're sure as sh** not getting back your money And if you write for a newspaper I'd just like to say That I read your publication every single day And I agree with absolutely everything you say I think you're the most perspicacious and delightful Eloquent, insightful writer Writing on the subject of the arts But if you write a bad review I promise you I'll come round to your house And lay turds in all your potted indoor plants I'll lay turds In all your plants! Your indoor plants! Your potted indoor plants! Hello Welcome to my show I'm glad you all could come, come, come It's time for a little audience participation Sing, "Yeah!" (Yeah!) Sing, "Yeah!" (Yeah!) Sing "Yeah yeah yeah!" (Yeah yeah yeah!) Sing, "Ooo yeah!" (Ooo yeah!) Sing, "I am an audience member!" (I am an audience member!) "Why are you making me sing?" (Why are you making me sing?) "You self indulgent wa*ker!" (You self indulgent wa*ker!) "Just get on with the f**ing show!" (Just get on with the f**ing show!)