Tim Minchin - Miracle (dupl) lyrics

Children (not all together): My mummy says I'm a miracle My daddy says I'm his special little guy I am a princess And I am a prince Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky My daddy says I'm his special little soldier No one is as handsome, strong as me It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge But I'm his little soldier HUP TWO FOUR FREE! My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me My daddy says I'm his special little soldier No one is as bold or tough as me Has my daddy told ya, one day when I'm older I can be a soldier and shoot you in the face Teacher: One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days It seems that there are millions of these one-in-a-millions these days "Specialness" seems de rigueur Above average is average, go figueur Is it some modern miracle of calculus That such frequent miracles Don't render each one unmiraculous? Children: My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me Lavender: My mummy says I'm a precious barrelina She has never seen a prettier barrelina She says if I'm keen, I have to cut down on the cream But I'm a barrelina, so GIVE ME MORE CAKE! Adults (not all together): Take another picture of our angel in that costume that I made The role of "tree" has never been portrayed with such convincing sway That's right, honey, look at mummy! Don't put honey on your brother Smile for mummy, smile for mother (I think she blinked.) Well, take another! Have you seen his school report? He got a C on his report! (What?!?) We'll have to change his school The teacher's clearly falling short She's just delightful So hilarious and insightful Might she be a little brighter than the norm? I know to voice it's frightful form Children: Adults sing their earlier parts all at once My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me My mummy says I'm a miracle That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball All: You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical There's never been a miracle A miracle as miracle as me Spoken: Mrs Wormwood: Look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor? I've got a plane to catch at 3. I'm competing in the bi-annual international amateur salsa and ballroom championships in Paris Doctor: You're getting on a plane, Mrs Wormwood? Mrs Wormwood: Oh, yeah! I've been training four hours a day for the last two years, and I can tell you one thing: if Jennifer Littleton thinks she's walking off with the coveted golden shoe this year, she's got another think coming. I've got a secret weapon: Rudolpho. He's part Italian, you know. Very supple. He has incredible upper-body strength Doctor: I think we should have a talk Mrs Wormwood: So what is it? What's wrong with me? Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, do you really have no idea? Mrs Wormwood: Wind? Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, I want you to think very carefully. Now, what do you think might be the cause of this? Mrs Wormwood: Am I... Am I... Uh, look, am I fat? Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, you're pregnant Mrs Wormwood: WHAT?!? Doctor: You're going to have a baby Mrs Wormwood: But I've got a baby! I don't want another one! Isn't there something you can do? Doctor: You're nine months pregnant! Mrs Wormwood: Antibiotics or... oh, my good Lord! What about the golden shoe? Doctor: A baby, Mrs Wormwood, a child. The most precious gift the natural world can bestow us has been handed to you. A brand-new human being. A life. A person. A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love, and magic, and happiness, and wonder Mrs Wormwood: Oh, bloody hell! Doctor: Ev'ry life I bring into this world Restores my faith in human kind Each new-born life, a canvas yet unpainted This still unbroken skin, this uncorrupted mind Every life is unbelievably unlikely The chances of existence almost infinitely small The most common thing in life is life And yet, ev'ry single life Ev'ry new life is a miracle! Miracle! Spoken: Mr Wormwood: Where is he? Where is my son? Doctor: Mr Wormwood, are you smoking? Mr Wormwood: What? Oh, of course, doctor, what am I thinking? This calls for a proper smoke Mrs Wormwood: Who won? Was it Jennifer Littleton? Maybe I can get a later flight or something Doctor: Mrs Wormwood, please stay where you are. As I keep telling you, you are in no shape to dance the tarantella Mr Wormwood: Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing, ain't he? Doctor: This is one of the most beautiful little children I've ever seen! Mr Wormwood: You need gla**es, mate, he looks like a prune! Oh, my good Lord, where's his thingy! Doctor: What? Mr Wormwood: His doo-dah. His what-dya-ma-call-it. What you done with his thingy? Doctor: This child doesn't have a "thingy", Mr Wormwood Mr Wormwood: What?!? A boy with no thingy? Look what you done, you stupid woman, this boy's got no thingy! Doctor: Mr Wormwood, this child is a girl. A girl! A beautiful, beautiful little girl Mrs Wormwood: Just put me out me misery, was it Jennifer Littleton or not? Mr Wormwood: Of course it was Jennifer Littleton. Here, I don't suppose we could exchange it for a boy, could we? Mrs Wormwood: This is the worst day of my life! Mrs Wormwood: Oh, my undercarriage doesn't feel quite normal My skin looks just revolting in this foul fluorescent light And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal, semi-Spanish gown I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight I should be dancing the tarantella Qui mon fella Italiano Not dressed in hospital cotton With a smarting front bottom And this horrible (Doctor: Miracle!) Smelly little (Doctor: Miracle!) Wrinkly little ball of fat (Mr Wormwood: What the hell is that?) Can someone give this thing a bottle? (Mr Wormwood: Or swap it for a later model?) Mr and Mrs Wormwood: Why do bad things always happen to good people? Fine upstanding citizens like you and me Why, when we've done nothing wrong Should this disaster come along? This horrible, weird-looking Hairy little, stinky thing With no sign of a winky-ding at all! Doctor: Miracle! Miracle! Nurses: She's a miracle! Doctor: A miracle! Nurses: A miracle! The most Doctor: Ev'ry life's a miracle Doctor and nurses: beautiful miracle I have every seen! Mr Wormwood: I can't find his frank and beans! Doctor: Every life is unbelievably unlikely The chances of existence almost infinitely small The most common thing in life is life And yet, ev'ry single life, ev'ry new life Is a miracle! Miracle! Miracle! All (adults echo chidlren): My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me! My mummy says I'm a miracle That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical There's never been a miracle A miracle as miracle as me! Matilda: My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm My daddy says I'm a bore My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ That kids like me should be against the law My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie hole No one likes a smart-mouthed girl like me Mum says I'm a good case for population control Dad says I should watch more TV