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The Variety Playhouse is like a hospital For people who are well The music and the colored lights Are like an antiseptic smell Electric guitars are nurses That wrap you all in gauze And the songs we play Are the hospital bill You pay with your aplau-au-au-au-ause Aplau-au-au-au Variety Playhouse (Variety Playhouse) Variety Playhouse (Variety Playhouse) Variety Playhouse (Variety Playhouse) Variety Playhouse (Variety Playhouse) ... 10 9 5 5 2 (2) 1 (1)