The Handsome Family - The King Who Wouldn't Smile lyrics

There was a king who wouldn't smile Sat on the toilet reading "The Trial." His dogs chased their tails 'round and 'round Midget cars arrived stuffed with clowns who served him quail eggs on toast There was a king who never laughed Fell in love with a two-headed calf Filled his bath with razor blades Tattooed his arm with the ace of spades, but the gra** made fun of his shoes There was king who cried and cried Mice crawled in his shoes to die He cried so much that herds of deer gathered to lick his salty tears so the king crawled under his bed. Like a fish at the bottom of a pail, like a cricketswallowed by a whale, like a chipmunk who's chewed off his tail, the king who wouldn't smile.