The Full Monty - Big-Ass Rock lyrics

Let's find a rock, I mean a big-a** rock Or maybe something like, a cinder block is better I'll hoist it up and drop it on your face, my buddy And just before the lights go out You'll see my smile and you'll know You've got a friend with a rock, who cares I mean a big-a** rock Or rope, I got some quality rope Made for a man who's devoid of hope Like you are, my buddy, Michael Unh, that's Malcolm! Yeah, Malcolm, Right! And I won't leave you swinging there Twitching like a fish while you claw the air I'll grab your feet and pal of mine I'll pull real hard and snap your spinal cord This world is cold when you're alone and they ignore you But don't k** yourself, we'll do it for you You've got a friend You've got a friend You've got a friend You know, I asked a guy once If he'd mind putting me in a barrel And sending me over the falls You know what the son of a b**h said? "Drop dead, a**hole" People are pricks I asked this guy to take his air compressor And drill me with a six-inch nail right through the eye What'd he say? "I'm low on nails" People are selfish pricks You know another time, now get this I lay down in front of a steam roller And asked the guy just to proceed You know, business as usual And just squash me like a bug That's a good way to go, Jer, the ol' bug squash Hey! We could tie a plastic laundry bag over his head Naw, that's such a wimp suicide I stuck my finger in a socket once It hurt real bad, but it didn't k** me Malcolm, stay out of this I've got a friend like Carole King Or was it Carly Simon used to sing? I always get those two confused, but anyway I turned around and suddenly I'm not alone, it ain't just me I'm like a player on the team (Player on our team) I'm part of the gang (Part of the gang) A member of the club (Welcome to the club) Ooh, let's get a club, I like the big-a** rock Naw, one good swing and I'll clean his clock forever Let gravity do the work! It's a man's way to die, Mikey! Malcolm! (I got friends) Friends who will love you like a maniac And lead you like a lamb To the railroad track and tie you down I've got friends! Or tickle your wrist with a single-edge razor Or buy you a beer with a Draino chaser Or dump you in the river with a rock A big-a** rock Here's a nice one right over here Hey, can I give you a hand with that? It looks heavy No, Dave, It ain't heavy, he's my friend Come on, group hug