Through a long and sleepless night I thought upon the jury's plight If what is wrong can feel so right Then life's no longer black and white It's four o'clock and all's not well In my private circle of hell I contemplate my navel hair And slowly slide into despair This rut has fast become a trench This smell has turned into the stench Of rotten dreams and stale ideals The past is snapping at my heels Oh danny boy the pipes are blocked With bedtime blues and future shock I know the best is yet to come But does it always take this long? I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes But i'll always be the bridegroom and never the bride "you deserve to be horse-whipped But i've no horse", that joke's so sh** And whips would only make it worse Don't tempt the lonely and perverse The casualties of casual s** The child of three with x-ray specs The conman low in self esteem The casanova in your dreams I'll scream and scream and scream until I've made myself critically ill In hospital, in case you're there In uniform, intensive care I know you'll be the d**h of me But what a cool d**h that would be I'd rather die than be deprived Of wonderbras and thunder thighs I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes But i'll always be the bridegroom and never the bride Bored of normality? Why not go daft? It's easy to do if you try Slide right back down that self-confident path You've just so laboriously climbed Pickle your liver and addle your brain Live the bohemian life Die young and penniless somewhere in spain Then again you could try just to live your own life In the way that you find most amusing I don't really care! I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes But i will always be the bridegroom and i will never be the bride