The Bedroom Philosopher - The Happiest Boy lyrics

When I was thirteen I was abducted by aliens In a sunset orange Valiant with wings The aliens were friendly They communicated by break dancing They looked like a cross Between Gumby, Bjork and Richie Benaud They took me to their home planet Mars_79 It had an iced vovo surface And a lynx java atmosphere They sterilised me with towellettes Fed me condensed milk through a tube Gave me an interactive pamphlet And teleported all but my pants And I was the happiest boy out of this world The architecture on mars_79 was inspired by the spirograph They had no words for war And fifty six words for funk Their main source of economy Was teaching break dancing as a second language Mainly to interplanetary students Cos that's where all the money is The aliens were progressive They believed in s** before breakfast They paid for stuff in hugs And gave change in kickboxing They used trampoline energy And kept sideburns as pets And thought flossing a religious experience so they didn't go to church much And I was the happiest boy out of this world Then they began their experiments on me Probing me with questions about TV Home and away they wanted to know if Aisla had died Cos they were nine seasons behind X-files they wanted to know if Mulder and Scully had smooched And how they got a documentary to look so well produced I could not speak I acted dumb Did I mention I had an instrument up my bum? Flute The aliens apologised They break danced with tears in their eyes They offered to erase my memories of the trip And take me home in a bit But I pleaded with them to keep all my memories of them And erase all my memories of TV shows And I was the happiest boy in this world