The Arrogant Worms - Security Guard lyrics

he struts and he swaggers, he's pretty sure that chicks dig a guy in uniform grey flannel pants and wine covered jacket the smirk on his face makes you just wanna smack it couldn't be a real cop without the mental wherewithal so he's busting heads down at the shopping mall security guard, mr security guard always wanted to be authorized personnel he can go through this door and that door as well he's limiting the loitering and breaking up brouhahas he controls your access to santa claus his keys jingle jangle as they hang from his belt for his lunch his mom dropped off a tuna melt for security guard, mr security guard crisis in the food court, but first he's gotta take a whiz even though he's inside he's wearing sungla**es sign says floor is slippery and man, it sure is watch your step, security guard just checked the bathrooms and the food court's secure time to hit on the girls at the vitamin store they might remember him as the high school football star now he's that guy with the neon lights underneath his car stands around with the other guards comparing flashlights 'put a quarter in that horsey kid. theres no free rides' security guard wash my car put down that cigar you're not george peppard security guard