The Adventures of Duane & BrandO - Zelda lyrics

Once upon a time in the land of Hyrule Everyone was okay and everything was cool Until the Dark Prince Ganon appeared and said: "The Triforce is mine and everything is dead!" (Really) "Know your role, Link I'll leave you black and blue And by the way-" What? "I kidnapped Zelda, too!" "Oh, sh**!" I thought to myself What am I going to do? When I find your a**, I'm gonna straight end you Is that a mask or your real face, you big fat jerk? "Come on and find out, Link!" He said with a smirk I'll find my way to your maze Fill up on hearts along the way Today will be the last day of your life "You're so gay!" (Nope) Listen up, Link, before your story begins It's so complicated that you'll never win (You're joking) And that's why I'll detail it, cause you ain't sh** I got more important things to do than worry about it When your hearts run low, there's some fairies in the lake That will reload your energy like Frosted Flakes (They're great!) For now that's all you're getting no more clues for you Enjoy, motherf**er, cause you'll never get through That's what you think, I'm the Infinite Hero And I'll keep on fighting 'til my health reaches zero Like my white tights, my patience is thin You won't amount to nothing, let your story begin Oink! (Oh, take this sword!) (I'm old!) The name's Link (Ha ha), and I'm braver than brave I got a wooden sword from an old man in a cave And when my hearts are maxed out, it shoots an energy blade? I don't know how exactly that works, but that's okay with me Eventually I'll find my way out of this maze North, west, south, west, I'm on my way to the graves When I master the Master Sword, I'm going to town On Zelda's upside-down Triforce with one in the brown You can't stop me from coming, I am the Hero of Time You'd better run for your f**ing life, I'm coming inside (Haha) I'm here to destroy all of you one by one Making you disappear, come here, you know you can't run I got my magical shield, plenty of arrows to last me My boomerang is at full range, I'm a walking catastrophe Don't test me, you motherf**ers, you can't hide You can try to run, but I got a map to where you reside I am the legendary, fairyless, wearing the green tunic, k**ing everything motherf**er I'm blowing holes in the walls Going from dungeon to dungeon 'til every one of them falls This is my destiny, and I'm coming for you It's a secret to everybody how I do what I do Eight mini-bosses dead, and I'm on my way to Ganon With all the weapons I got, who the f** needs an arm cannon? I've died a million times and I'll die a million more, I'm at your f**ing door Link (Ha ha) I see you've finally arrived Watch me disappear and reappear before your eyes Pleased to introduce you to my energy balls They will destroy you like nothing you've ever- No! I don't think so, now watch as I swing Aimlessly into the air not hitting anything (Ha ha) I've got the Triforce, b**h, I ain't got time for hide-and-seek Come get some No! I think not, I'm Ganondorf, b**h Get your fairy booties out of here, cause you ain't sh** Swine time, my time to shine, Hyrule's mine Mine, all mine One, two, three times I hit you with my blade Now it's time to shoot an arrow straight into your face (Nooooo!) It's been a great time k**ing you swine, I gotta say But after all is said and done, I'm not even getting laid "Well excuse me, Princess!" So I went through all that trouble, and she's being a b**h I just saved her f**ing life, and what the hell do I get? Nothing! f** that sh**, I should be getting some head But Zelda's pa**ed out early, laying up in her bed I'm on the couch, man That's totally lame The upside down Triforce is a totally different game That's cool, she'll come around eventually Besides, she's in a coma in the next game, G