I am a dull and simple lad Cannot tell water from champagne And I have never met the Queen And I wish I could have all he has got I wish I could be like David Watts And when I lie on my pillow at night I dream I could fight like David Watts And lead the school team to victory And take my exams and pa** the lot Wish I could be like David Watts Wish I could be like David Watts Wish I could be like David Watts Wish I could be He is the head boy at the school He is the captain of the team His is so gay and fancy free And I wish all his money belonged to me I wish I could be like David Watts And all the girls in the neighborhood They try to go out with David Watts They try their best but can't succeed For he is of pure and noble breed Wish I could be like Wish I could be like Wish I could be like Wish I could be like Wish I could be like Wish I could be like