T.J. Miller - Battle Of The Century, Part V lyrics

Brandon Johnson Our last battle was amazing, but it ain't the last battle. No, this is the last battle. We've got all-star emissario T.J. Miller, goin' up against The second degree black belt, kung-fu of rhyme... T.J. Miller... in a slightly lower pitch. So check it out, y'all T.J. versus T.J. in this battle til' d**h Winner takes all. (Battle, battle, battle, battle...) T.J. #1 T.J. Miller, aka the stone cold k**er Work with the big fives, still waitin' on Stiller Hustler, hustlin' since '03, you know me It's T.J. Miller, the barely-an-M.C. Got money for days, for weeks even I'm the demigod, so haters are heathens Spit so fast, it's a wonder I'm still breathin' Could've been you when I was a baby before I started teethin' T.J. #2 Forgot your name, I'll call you T. Gay bu*tfiller The only a**a**ination you make, is your a buzzk**er I spit surrepticious with the daggers and the (clothes/cloaks) I'm a real rapper, you stick to tellin' dick jokes I'm the nicest rapper alive, not polite T.K.O., you already lost, we didn't start the fight Quit standup, you're the worst, word to God You should quit movies and TV, stick to improv Clover-failed, oh no we got a bleeder Look everyone it's the poor man's Jon Heder T.J. #1 I'm Jon Heder? Nah, I'm not a Mormon - Let the gates down You're the queen of the castle that I'm stormin' Talk sh** about standup, you're like those improv snobs I'll see you all in five years at your day jobs What's that? You didn't care for my comedy? Well please exit to the left and buy my CD Ran from the monster trained a couple dragons Couldn't stop the train 'cause Ethan Suplee and me were (laggin'?) I'm the big cheese, call me Mr. Stilton You bit the dick that feeds you, you're Perez Hilton T.J. #2 Oh good, another fro'd out white guy tryn'a big screen it We've seen it, it wasn't very good, I'm serious, I mean it This guy's up a paddle without a creek Here's some news for you, everyone's out of your league Dude looks like Seth Rogen looks like Jason Segel Dude even kinda looks like Prince William, not as regal Talk sh** and you can act like I care Lest we forget, T.J., you were Yogi Bear T.J. #1 Wait, hold up, that's a piece of groundbreaking cinema That's axiomatic from front to back like a palindrome about Panama In case you didn't remember, I'm from f**ing Denver M.C.'s get drawn and quartered, as well as dismembered Like (Mike Judge), I'm always ahead of the curb Extract what you know about me and what you heard If you dislike boredom, yo, I'm the cure Wash your hands with Purell, because you're impure The jet-setting, betting there'll be a Yogi 2 and if not Here's a message from my money: "f** you!" T.J. #2 Your raps s**, pocket ham and a clock collection And it's my understanding you rarely achieve an erection You have trouble holding down a real relationship You a**hole, when I give someone a brand new one, it's you I rip Toddler body, your face looks like God was tired I'm the Donald Trump card, you're fired T.J. #1 Third-rate movies, TV shows all got cancelled You're bad at hip-hop, why not try dancehall You're the never gonna be and the never was New math, any movie without you, that's a plus Can't keep it together and you're always missin' shows Can't keep the rhythm, and it shows in your flows You're irresponsible, you're barely a man Pasty, white motherf**er, you'd be cream coloured with a tan How you got a career, (for a sandwich?) for years I've wondered Go back to the rock you crawled out from under Don't worry about whether or not you're gonna blow it It'll all be gone, before you even know it You're the worst of the worst, it won't work out Stars burn bright, T.J., you just burned out (out, out...)