September Stories - Obsession lyrics

It only does this because I let it And it only takes control because I feed it And after giving in for the hundredth time today, I feel as if I need it I know it's just thoughts running through my head But it feels so real Feels like so much more It's like a helpless disease of the mind That deteriorates and eats at my thoughts Poisoning every thought and image And making them one of it's own Everytime I try to overcome, I succumb Giving in to the thoughts holding me captive The thoughts that define me in all that I am It feels surreal wondering if I'd be better off dead. But is it real? Is what should be asked instead It's been 15 years that I've held on to this question 15 years that it's consumed me with it's haunted remark All along feels that I've been shooting blanks in the dark Seeking answers to questions I can't even comprehend And somedays...somedays! I wonder if this is it If this is all I'll ever amount to If this is all that I'm supposed to be It's a dark feeling that eats away at all Happiness from avoiding all of your fears A feeling that tears down all those walls That you've been building up over the years Those walls that made you feel safe in your head As if nothing could possibly go wrong But you always knew that they would fall All along Everytime I try to make this right It loops itself again and in the end I'm the one to blame Like having a conscience, but yet feeling no shame It's a delusional hold on the mind That recreates those past horrors that you've been running from Once lost, but not forgotten It takes years of trial and error And even then you may not reach a definite end It's a disease that changes how you think Changes what you think is rash and how you react and makes you seem different when you try to interact And makes it impossible to ever go back to the expression of normal Or how it used to be Because how it used to be...has gotten so far...away from me Just like those memories of you and me I swear we could lay there for hours And do nothing but talk about the past And life to come Not once filled with a dull moment And now I just want to know what's running through that head of yours Maybe I can overthink my way in and know exactly how you feel Or if you thought for even one second that what we had was real I know I've never been the same since that time It's like this contagion of the mind Fears you or I finally can ignore it No matter the reasoning, I just want to have control it But honestly, I don't know if I can It's like I've let the devil wrap himself around me I've been filled with more fear going down Than I ever have in the surface I try not to be scared or nervous But I think I've just come to terms with my purpose