Schaffer The Darklord - Intervention lyrics

STD: Oh... hey guys... FRONT: Hi, Schaffer STD: What are you all doing here? FRONT: I think you better sit down STD: Are you kidding me? JESSE D: No, this is dead serious STD: Is this seriously an intervention? FRONT: This is the seriousest intervention STD: What the hell, you guys? FRONT: Well, you should ask yourself "What the Hell?" STD: You know, I really don't need this right now JESSE D: I think you do, I think you need to hear it STD: Alright, you went to all this trouble.. JESSE D: Thank you STD: Say what ya got to say FRONT: Enjoy DR. AWK: Hey Schaffer, it's been too long What '09 when you went and dropped that Bender song? STD: So? DR. AWK: Come on, get your sh** together, I hear you're smoking the skooma STD: No DR. AWK: This incessant impression's got me wishing it was a tumor STD: Nice DR. AWK: I don't mean it, your habit's just starting to eat me With all that c**aine, you'd think you'd finish an EP STD: Come on DR. AWK: You s** now, put the alcohol down We're only doing this cuz we want you around STD: Whatever WARROCK: Hey, Schaffer it's safe here, but it's safer in psychotherapy There where the d** and women can't get to you, like it's very concerning I've only ever see you either drunk or high Think fans only want to see that Darklord guy? STD: I do WARROCK: But I think you took this villain stuff a little far With the d** and alcohol, only so long before you fall Cuz I care more for Mark, STD is just a character I'm only telling you because I care for ya Come on, man STD: I don't wanna hear it, I don't wanna hear it I just wanna disappear, now listen here this isn't any of your business I don't have a problem, you're the ones with problems Why're you talking rock-bottom? Look I got it, everything is awesome Why don't you go home, just leave me alone I mean, come on we could've handled all of this on the phone I don't need you or your pity or your condescension Wish you'd go away and take your silly little intervention with ya JESSE D: Hey Schaffer, I've missed you No one knows us better than each other Since the days that we were growing up together Like brothers in Nova Scotia STD: Huh? JESSE D: I blame myself for losing touch, you tell yourself When someone is hurting that you can only do so much But you've suffered enough STD: True JESSE D: It's scarcely feels fair Growing up Jewish STD: What? JESSE D: Queer STD: No! JESSE D: Black STD: No! JESSE D: and in a wheelchair STD: The Hell?! JESSE D: Damn it, Max STD: It's Mark! JESSE D: I can't do this, I want out. You're not the man I knew STD: What the hell, Jesse? JESSE D: I'm literally in the wrong house, I'm sorry FRONT: Schaffer, ain't your life a sh**ty mess? STD: No FRONT: Does a deep unhappiness permeate it all? STD: No FRONT: Is this even debatable? STD: Yes FRONT: Do you intend to take a fall or what? We'd like some answers, but Can't seem to pry your dick out of a**orted strippers and burlesque dancers STD: Dude! FRONT: Long enough to get your attention, which is ridiculous since you snort ADD d** all day STD: Come on! FRONT: Plus injections of that hot spoon-cooked "takin' it easy" Finish your record already, mortality's only increasing STD: I don't wanna hear it, I don't wanna hear it I just wanna disappear, now listen here this isn't any of your business I don't have a problem, you're the one's with problems Why're you talking rock-bottom? Look I got it, everything is awesome Why don't you go home? Just leave me alone I mean, come on we could've handled this on the phone I don't need you or your pity or your condescension Wish you'd go away and take your silly little intervention with ya LUGO: Hey Schaffer, it's your pal Lugo and you know... STD: Stop! Lugo, what are you doing? LUGO: I'm...intervening! STD: Yeah, but you're not a rapper LUGO: Well, I mean that may be, but that doesn't change the fact that you DESPERATELY need to get your sh** together STD: Duly noted YTC: Hey Schaffer, you know that I'd be the last to correct A fellow scientist at work but I can see you're depressed You got that Darklord look in your eyes, of sunken sockets, you got pockets Full of every substance, you've been up for two dozen days STD: Not true YTC: Screaming like Billy Mays Pulling insider trades The city that never sleeps needs a break from your antics So here's some Fiji and a Chantix Enough of that sycophantic sh**, I'm tired of enabling you, cuz I care COOLZEY: Hey Mark STD: Z? COOLZEY: Lately when I come through you've been way dark It seems your stage persona may be smothering your bright spark Since I've known you, you've been such a great friend to me But last time I visited you in NYC I sensed the entropy Plus your hedonistic tendencies are double O-C and your OCD has become amplified from popping Addies Look, me and the guys just think you need to take a deep breath I love you, but I'm worried. Do you think that you can cheat d**h? (d**h, d**h, d**h, d**h, d**h, you s** now, only so long before you fall, you're not the man I knew, finish your record already, you desperately need to get your sh** together, I'm tired of enabling you, you s** now, only so long before you fall, you're not the man I knew, finish your record already) STD: ENOUGH! I get it, alright? I heard what you had to say, and you know what? You're right I am a mess. I have fallen apart I can not stress how much I needed this jump start I never could admit it, I never wanted to face it But I see I've got to quit this sh**, I've gotta make some changes Through your speeches, I have seen that I am reaching my worst yet So today, it's time I take the first step I know I need to hear it, know I need to hear it Know I need to quit this sh**, my grip is slipping Know it's k**ing off my spirit Yeah, I've got a problem, I've a bunch of problems I've been slowly growing rotten, in denial, all is far from awesome Tonight I've been shown, I'm not so alone And I know I will survive when I face the unknown I know that I was so defensive, though you had the best intentions I will get some help, I love you, thank you for this intervention