Saarangutan - Next Steps Part V lyrics

[Verse] I swear it's never been this hard before Think it's cause I never wanted to try more Needed to say this, I've grown used to giving up Tripping up, I'm with you but I'm kissing her It's hard when your role models told you to live it up Before it's too late or if you become too great Don't wanna keep up the same lies and lose face They coming after you if you blow up, no Hussein We one in the same but to make it different Never thought we'd clink gla**es then you'd change my vision Ain't seen you in a while, I know it's been a minute But a minute together makes it all feel like the first instant Is it the past or our future that we're missing? Expectations that kept our interest now feel distant There's been times we really just haven't been in it But sometimes it's so innocent, I've never felt so infinite A love without synonym, unconstructed by synthesis It's so organic, that's how we manage We hug in the parking lot just to leave I ask about progress but there's nothing to achieve It's a new journey every time I go there and back Writing paragraphs hoping they come together To something before mom and dad's questions come up for discussion Ah it got me in a parent trap Letters I'm not prepared to stamp for whenever they're needed Hope when I look back, I can give em meaning Yeah, when I am where I'm supposed to be Don't know where it is, wondering if you'll be close to me I never thought I'd need a goal for love Til I catch that sh**, of course I'm using a glove When it's duck hunt, I get surprised that a dove flew through We fight a lot more than I'm used to But being in a relationship isn't what I'm used to Pointing out my flaws, yeah I know they're too true Never avoided my errors, I try to learn from it They want to put it in a verse to see what I can earn from it Or, maybe I could teach through it Reflect on life's paths and what it means to be foolish I'm making scenes out of action, great at distractions Reduced to being on top of each other, simplify the fraction Been told the weight of my words too dense for the ma**es Keep it balanced on an axis Never exist as an actor or actress Looking flashy for the flashes, faceted by high fashion Not one for the masking Tryna turn into my own doppelgangsta Reading my stanzas and getting anxious Been keeping it realer than the movies Stay being choosy, taking it deeper than a groupie Tryna separate the music from the hype I don't have a type, I like what I like Especially when success is hard earned Hard learned lessons don't have to come from Harvard Or Cornell to take you farther When them bars turn your whole state of mind Disappearing lines you used to stay behind, make the lies And feelings come back up, call it heartburn Those apart yearn to reinvigorate lost feelings Feel like I was caught dealing This dope, this hope been a crutch that I lean on I dream on, too concerned with what could be or coulda been Being pushy to pushing whips Look at this My goodness it's Like pulling strings on a puppet f** it A rookie looking for cushioning My foot is in the door Still want more, but it's looking grim I'm blacking out, in them bars to get gone Cashing out, losing interest in being alone Yeah, I never had anyone to follow Tryna shoot the moon on the first mission of Apollo Parents under culture shock, no move for the guidance Lost touch, used to have Midas Attached to devices, talk myself into circles Maybe the end justifies what I mean and causes the reversal Limited minutes redefines being mortal Hanging on your last words, audio as a portal Swallow my pride enough to go to counseling Maybe cause I used to think that I found someone Found out love isn't something to be figured out Live in the moment, I mean we're just children now Getting together, breaking up, with lines of symmetry Strangers back to strangers with a new chapter in history On different pages, think it's all been repeated All's fair in love and war til you're defeated Yeah, bite your tongue as you swallow truth Go the psychopath less taken if I followed you Got machetes for safaris, threw meteors at Barney Growing up quick but the rhythm coming in tardy Yeah, easy does it hardly Switched up my vocabulary to include the word sorry Nostalgic for memories that you didn't have yet We used to say when we, but the future wasn't lasting [Poem] Next steps Next steps Next steps Here I am In the middle of Baltimore on a summer day Sweat drips down my back I'm plastered head to toe in business casual clothes Enough to impress my supes But just below the line of trying too hard in front of my dudes When this summer started I thought I'd be just another lonely boy looking for a place in the vast city Some type of allegory for looking to belong I figured me and a few other interns would explore Drink a lot and wonder if this was really worth it The long hours, the stipend pay Not knowing where we're going but knowing we should figure it out I mean that's what I used to say I've accepted that this summer is just a break from real life As I stand in this parking garage Eyes squinting from the bright early evening sun coming through I think about you Nothing's real about us yet But by the end of tonight it would be Or I guess to keep it in the proper tense, by the end of tonight it could be We kissed last week I think I remember it all You pushing me up against a wall I asked you if you wanted to stay You said that's nice But I think I'll go to my friend's to spend the night That's only my version of what happened right? Cause you say my eyes were begging Staring at a moment I could forever end up regretting We hugged as if we were closing a chapter But your lips fixed on me And took me out of the self-perpetuated misery And I started writing a whole book The whole night I stayed up thinking about that look You might not know it yourself But it's the one you give someone when you're about to change their entire outlook I'm talking Derek Zoolander blue steel The one that makes walls crumble and hearts steal away Trying to hide behind the rubble Fearing the power Prior to that moment I was a coward I would've cowered and said this wasn't the place or time And it wasn't the place or time, but that wasn't my concern then I put the token in the machine as you go to get the car A blue light flashes and then a message on the screen pops up 4 dollars “What? 4 dollars to park Are you kidding?” Maybe it's cause I'm from a place where it doesn't really cost anything to...to just leave your car somewhere I mean, how can they charge you to just be? Not do anything, but just be? Whatever, this is off topic, maybe I reach in my pocket Pull out a five And get a dollar back in change So focused on the small moments Probably because everything could become real as soon as I get in our car We're going on our first date tomorrow But you live 45 minutes away and I don't have car So you sorta decided that I'd just sleepover And then we could go on our first date And I guess for the people listening who don't really know me Even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it, I'm content with life at this point I'm afraid to reach new heights And even more afraid to grow used to them I'm trying to figure it all out What to say, how to act, who I am All of a sudden, I'm getting in the car Hoping we don't get in a traffic jam Cause it's already pretty far And I don't want to spend any more time not knowing where I'm going than I have to A few months pa** To give you a summary, we found something special I felt trusted And entirely in love with Her It was new It was just me and you I finally felt fulfilled by making something for myself That couldn't really be reproduced by anyone else But this is the real world One where love doesn't exist I don't mean that I came out of this thinking love isn't real But that it's rooted in reality There are things between us Good things that keep us together And bad things that will always stand between us Including, now, how we're three hundred miles apart And the back of my mind regrets the start But I can't front, you made me realize I deserve someone who comforts me in a dark place, gives me space when I need it The girl whose smile is worth believing And even though she's reading into everything you say It's how she cares in her own way There's no happy ending for you, the listener, to get from this We aren't together and unless life takes the entire world for a spin We never will be But that's okay Because finally I've accepted life isn't a force I can move It's not myself that I doubt It's just that I know that not everything's meant to be answered now I still don't know where I'm going, but I know I don't need to figure it out