Rupert Holmes - Soap Opera lyrics

There was a time when I saw myself a flood-lit figure on the stage The Metropolitan Opera, the Daily Critic's latest rage But my voice went through a change about the same time as my skin Now the opera is gone and what is left is getting awfully thin There was a time when I saw myself a superstar upon the stage In someone's rock and roll opera, but then my throat began to age And I wound up working nights with afternoons when I'm awake So I watch the daily dramas as my life becomes a coffee break Here's the story up to date: Shirley's found another mate Though she'll wind up with her husband in the end But her husband's got no life He can't make it with his wife Though his secretary's more than just his friend It's a day-to-day routine and I watch the TV screen Letting Bob and Shirley live my life for me It's an opera made of soap using other people's hope And tomorrow's show ain't soon enough for me There was a time when I saw myself a clean-cut cowboy on the screen A spurs-and-saddle horse opera, but that's a long-forgotten dream So I watch Let's Make a Deal and win the jackpot in my brain Then it's time to watch the show that's got my cerebellum half insane Here's the story down to earth: Shirley's finally given birth She's been carrying the baby for a year Though it don't belong to Bob Who's been fired from his job as a surgeon 'Cause he's got this sudden fear He can't stand the sight of blood Meanwhile Shirley's mining Judd Who's the father of the kid but he won't give And tomorrow's show will say what they left out yesterday And that gives me one good reason I should live Here's the story in a shell: Bobby's mind is shot to hell 'Cause he can't recall his name or how he feels He's a lost amnesiac While his wife is in the back of her station wagon notching up her heels Meanwhile Bob's a**istant nurse has some poison in her purse And she's gonna slip into Shirley's soup Good old Judd thought up the scheme Good old Judd is Shirley's dream But old Judd don't want to share her chicken coop And the nurse would like to keep Shirley's body six feet deep in her grave And chase him to the Baltic Sea For she sees herself his wife to poor Bob Who's found a life as a farmer since he lost his memory So to give a resume: Bobby's bailing up the hay While his wife is in the straw with Bill and Fred But she don't feel great inside It's that dose of cyanide that the nurse and Judd will feed her til she's dead There's a baby who just grew fifteen years in only two And she has her eyes on Judd who is her dad But of course she can't know that She just knows just where it's at As her mother says, “It's good to be so glad.”