[Verse 1] I should not sit on this couch and watch Netflix I should take pouty mouth pics for my press kit I should defy the rules of logic I should invent some quirky new merchandise product I just want to rap good and not sell bread sticks I will not become a martyr for the deadbeats I will shave my beard off by the end of this week I will go out and learn to socialize and figure out why all my ex-girlfriends hate me I'm going to put this big brain to good use I'm going to write rap songs to find objective truths I'm going to be better than my father I'm going to upload well edited pictures to Flickr I'm going to eat a lot more Fig Newtons and sign petitions by women's rights movements [Hook] I don't make promises I can't keep Which is why I won't make promises ever And when I write letters to those ex-girlfriends That's going to be the header I don't make promises I can't keep Which is why I won't make promises ever And when I write letters to those ex-girlfriends That's going to be the header [Verse 2] I wish I'd met you on Legends of the Hidden Temple I wish Hegel wasn't so incomprehensible I wish I was more like the Übermensch I wish my fears didn't have such a putrid stench I think my muscles should be bigger I don't know much about Being and Nothingness But I might just be a being of nothingness I heard there's going to be a rap parade [Bridge] Come on try a little Nothing is forever It's got to be something better than in the middle Me & Cinderella, put it all together We can drive it home (With one headlight) [Verse 3] We were driving and I yelled "Padiddle" You started crying so I cried a little I'm almost positive if I made better mix CDs I would bother less with relationship complexities You know, sometimes I stutter Sometimes I forget to put on cocoa bu*ter Sometimes I wish I was better at song writing Sometimes I feel like the master of thong wiring In the future I will neuter my ambitions I will give in to anxieties I will observe superstitions I will be Indiana Jones in small claims court I will regret in high school that I never played sports In the future I will by pa**ive aggressive In the future I will vote for the wrong guy In the future I will by swayed by a strong bribe And a very firm handshake and I will invite dinner guests over for ham steak I will be gone before the rise of the oceans I will become a squiggle in the string of quotients [Hook] I don't make promises I can't keep Which is why I won't make promises ever And when I write letters to those ex-girlfriends That's going to be the header I don't make promises I can't keep Which is why I won't make promises ever And when I write letters to those ex-girlfriends That's going to be the header [Bridge] Come on try a little Nothing is forever There's got to be something better than in the middle Me & Cinderella, put it all together We can drive it home (With one headlight) [Outro] We can drive it with weak contrivance We can drive it with weak contrivance We can drive it with weak contrivance We can drive it with weak contrivance We can drive it with weak contrivance We can drive it with weak contrivance We can drive it with weak contrivance