Mid life crisis always comes in threes The gym, the convertable, the secretary He met her in one of those after work bars She liked vintage men in new model cars He was a fool and I'm not saying she was thick But she made the digestion of chewing gum seem quick With a cha**is like that He wasn't gonna haggle on the price He was roadk** in her headlights In This Surface Paradise This must be just like living in Surface Paradise This must be just like living in Surface Paradise After five days of five times a day He was looking like the picture of Dorian Gray She had a brazillian His face was Vermillion At this rate he'd be needing a doctor's prescription She fixed his thinning hair with a gallon of goo She bought him jeans that you wear like your taking a poo If he wore a sign that said paedophile he'd catch less eyes In This Surface Paradise This must be just like living in Surface Paradise This must be just like living in Surface Paradise Its not soul, its solipsism Its not soul, its solipsism Yeah sooner or later the honeymoon ends When the older guy meets the younger girls friends At a dance party to ring in the new year He felt as old as Slim Dusty in this club with no beer Its not soul, its solipsism In This Pub with No Beer They all spoke SMS They soon forgot his name Each word ate the next Like an underwater food chain Though not literary they seemed fond of a simile He'd never heard the word "like" used so frequently Its not soul, its solipsism In This Pub with No Beer She said take this bikkie you'll soon feel part of the scene It wasn't like one he'd seen in Assorted Cremes Soon he was dancing around like a fool With a sudden insatiable yearning for Cool Clear, Non Sparkling, Expensive, Bottled Water Water Cool, Clear, Water He just took something he shouldn't oughta He's in control, well kind of sorta All he needs is cool, water He's gonna go broke from what he bought her She's young enough to be his daughter All he needs is cool, clear, water He threw up on one girl And groped at least three Stood on the dancefloor With his pants round his knees Later the bouncers played pinata with his face It was the one familiar thing about the place I wanna I wanna I wanna go home I wanna I wanna I wanna go home I wanna I wanna I wanna go home I wanna I wanna I wanna go home We are all of us in the gutter Some of us are looking at the stars He was looking for his teeth down among the parked cars That bridgework cost him five grand On his dentist's advice Now spat out with his pride In This Surface Paradise In This Surface Paradise In This Surface Paradise In This Surface Paradise In This Surface Paradise In This Surface Paradise In This Surface Paradise...