Roger Bart - The Brain lyrics

STUDENT #1: It's been said the your grandfather Brought dead tissue back to life Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? STUDENT #2: It's been said that your grandfather Created a horrifying monster Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? STUDENT #3: It's been said . . (spoken) . . . nay, even sung . . (sung) That your grandfather's monster Hurt and lamed, k**ed and maimed Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? STUDENTS: Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? Is that true Is that true Is that true Is that true, Dr. Frankenstein? FREDERICK (spoken): That's Fronkensteen! My name, it's pronounced Fronkensteen! Yes, yes, the whole world knows what my grandfather did. But Please, do I look like the kind of madman who'd prowl around graveyards, digging up freshly buried corpses? STUDENT #1: Well, Professor . . FREDERICK: Don't answer that! (sung) I'm not a Frankenstein I don't indulge in hijinks Or tomfoolery! I'm not a Frankenstein I don't believe in mummies Ghosts, or Ghoulery! I deal in fact not fiction I am a scientist I live for truth and reason That's the reason I exist (spoken) There is a vast difference between my crazy grandfather's delusional experiments and my own devotion to pure science. Which Leads us directly to the subject of today's lecture (sung) The brain! There is nothing like the brain Hearts and lungs are simply tinker toys When stacked against the brain! Insane! I'm insane about the brain! No invention in the universe Is equal to the brain! The mouth's a marvel When it comes to eating I've nothing against the womb I thank the bladder When I'm excreting And I always give the elbow room! But the brain! Please allow me to explain There's no organ can compare to it I swear to it, it's plain It's the brain . . (spoken) Mr. Hilltop here, with whom I have never worked nor given any prior instruction to, has graciously offered his services for This afternoon's demonstration (sung) His medulla oblongata Tells his brain stem that it's gotta Send an impulse full of data Which creates a lotta pain His frontal lobe gets busy With a thought that makes him dizzy Puts his cortex in a tizzy So he never will complain That's what I love about the brain! (spoken) Mr. Hilltop, will you raise your left knee, please. You have just witnessed a voluntary nerve impulse. Mr. Hilltop, you May lower your knee. Reflex movements, on the other hand, are those which are made independently of the will. Why you dirty Rotten yellow son-of-a-bith! MR. HILLTOP: Ooooh! FREDERICK: Even though I almost kneed him His reflexes have no freedomm To react when I mistreat him It's important I explain Synaptic nerve connection Goes its way without detection Bringing cranial protection In a never-endinig chain! That's what I love about the brain! (spoken) But what if we were to block those nerve impulses by simply aplying local pressure . . . . . . which can be done with any Ordinary metal clamp, just at the swelling of the posterior nerve root . . . for say, oh, four seconds . . . . . . Why you Mother-grabbing ba*tard! As you can see, even though I have just smashed my knee into his crotch, he does not react. He Feels absolutely nothing MR. HILLTOP: Mmmm . . FREDERICK: More or less. So if it were not for this continuous stream of motor impulses from the brain, we would collapse . . . . . Like a bunch . . . of . . . broccoli! MR. HILLTOP: Oooooh! FREDERICK (sung): And in conclusion So there's no confusion Let me say it once again Though your genitalia Has been known to fail ya You can bet your a** on the brain! (spoken) Everybody! STUDENTS (sung): The brain! There is nothing like the brain! It's the king of our anaotomy And ever shall it reign! FREDERICK: You can call me Copernicus Kepler, or Newton Compare me to Freud I'd feel high-falutin! Call me a Darwin I love that man's theory Call me Pasteur And watch me get teary! Say Madame Curie That would be the best Call me a Rorschach I'm up to the test! I really light up When you call me Edison Call me an Erlich I like that man's medicine Call me Marconi That wireless wow Call me Pavlov And I'll bark like a chow Call me an Einstein And that would be fine If you called me a Tesla I wouldn't decline But to call me a Frankenstein Would be insane Cause I love the brain! STUDENTS: His name is Fronkensteen The facts are plain There is nothing like the brain!