Rob McElhenney - Mac Meets Carmen (Pilot) Script lyrics

EXT. UNKNOWN NEIGHBOURHOOD Glenn and Charlie are standing outside. Glenn is drinking a beer, while Charlie is putting them in his vest, perhaps stealing them GLENN: The women in this city... Shallow, materialistic and du.. just stupid. CHARLIE: I know. GLENN: Don't get the cans, get the bottles. Get the eh, airports. Rob runs to Charlie and Glenn ROB: Guys, you guys. You have no idea what just happened. I just met a girl who is amazing. Smart, beautiful, the whole thing. GLENN: That's great, dude. CHARLIE: Which one? ROB: That.. The brown one over there. He points to Carmen, who stands a neaerby a house talking to another guy. Glenn looks to Charlie, they both start laughing. GLENN: The one by the chair? ROB: Yeah. GLENN: That's awesome, that's a dude. CHARLIE: That's a man. ROB: No, the brown one, with the hair. GLENN: The brown one, right yeah. (Together with Charlie) That's a guy. (alone) That's Sheilo's friend Carmen right? ROB: Yeah, Carmen. CHARLIE: Transs**ual. GLENN: Implants? CHARLIE: Yes. ROB: Are you sure? CHARLIE: Yes. GLENN: Look, look, look at his jeans? Cut to Carmen GLENN: There's a bulge in there CHARLIE: That's a penis. That's the bulge of a penis. GLENN: A bulge of a big penis in... in his jeans. CHARLIE: That's a man, that's a manrub. MAC: Gimme a second. CHARLIE AND GLENN: Alright. Cut to Rob walking to Carmen CARMEN: You know, you don't owe me the plate. That's fine. ROB: Excuse me? (to Carmen's discussion partner) Yeah could you give us one second. Thanks (to Carmen - points to her/his pants) Is that a penis in your pants? CARMEN: Yeah. ROB: You lied to me. CARMEN: No, I didn't. You lied to me. Pharmaceutical Sales please, I saw you on that episode of Law & Order. ROB: No, don't turn this a.. Law & Order, you saw that? CARMEN: Yeah. ROB: Yeah, really did you... Glenn and Charlie are walking behind them GLENN: Rob. Can we go, please. CARMEN: You were pretty good actually. ROB: You think so? I thought it was a little over the top. CARMEN: I thought it was great. CHARLIE & GLENN: Rob! Come on. ROB: I gotta go. But ehm, you know what maybe.. I'll call you. I'll call you. CARMEN: Bye. Rob walks away, Carmen smiles The pilot ends with a cut to her bulge END OF PILOT