Rey.OH.eight - Spatial Disorientation lyrics

[Verse 1] I don't know which way's up anymore/ Heartthrobbing As I lay on the floor/ Singing power in the name of Jesus, til my throat sore/ I'm wondering, is He folklore?/ I close my eyes tryna see a little light/ When I pray He don't hear me, now I'm falling through the night/ I'm hurting so uncertain the vertigo keep obscuring the verdict bro I am flirting with shirking all My discernment/ Was any of it even real? My pupils wide as ferris wheels/ Spinning in my head, tailspinning In my dread, this plane needs a Cartesian deal/ Like (x, y), why ex, did you leave? last I checked/ We were fine, you were mine; now I keep watch: Timex/ For signs at times I wonder, as I'm flying blind and under/ The influ of grief, 100 proof; what if everything I believed was just a ruse?/ What if none of it's true? The product of total delusion/ And all of these people look up to me for what I preach so I'm feeling secluded/ What if I'm not who I think I am? Ever since you said you're doubting/ My sick heart holds on to you by joining you in free fall off faith mountain/ Guess I'm weaker than I thought, guess I forgot to count your faith loss/ You leaving and the thought of you disbelieving, got me teeming with blaspheming thoughts/ [PreChorus] Fly blind, hold up/ Are we, divin? pull up/ We lost, all our, control of/ Communication, click click nothing/ (2x) [Hook] I don't know where I am, don't know what I believe/ The sky's dark and my heart is shellshocked/ Was any of it true, or was I truly deceived?/ Half of me screams there is no God/ [Verse 2] Arms around my knees, it's pitch black in my room/ My mouth agape my eyes the shape of lemurs in cartoons/ My heart races in anguish, living hurts and nothing's sure/ If I was so real back then then why did this bomb blast just birth/ This existential crisis? Got its blade on my throat likes it's ISIS/ But I fear I am not as brave or as convinced as Egyptian Christians who think Christ is/ Priceless, but my MasterCard card, can stand to spend the 30 pieces of silver/ It costs to apostatize, my Lord these thoughts are unfamiliar/ But maybe these words are like the wind, maybe they are just here and gone/ A product not of who I really am, but a product of the sore my plight has brought on/ I don't got the answers, all I got is this cancer/ Ivory Tower folk judge me, don't pray, and do prey on me like panthers/ Deep down, I know that I know that I know/ There is a God who's in control and loves me even though/ I can't feel Him, often shouting, can't see him, wanna flee him/ If You're in control why the chaos; I do believe that's why I'm still even doubting/ [Verse 3] I stay low, cuz now ain't high time for me to broadcast/ These doubts and bomb blast, the faith of the young so I fall back/ No social media, just me and my bible and brothers/ They tellin me read the Word trust God keep flying don't mind the thunder/ They say don't doubt in the dark, what He showed you in the light/ Though my mind been shot with these doubt darts, I think they might be right/ Think my cognizance is compromised, cuz I don't see the horizon/ Trust your flight instruments, right now your mind is lying/ It's insane; how everything my mind insists/ Is disconnected from reality and would crash me into a cliff/ I got a choice to make (got a choice to make): My perception or His promises/ This storm won't last forever but my choice will choose my consequence/ I can rebel, say forget you, you don't care/ How dare you let this come to pa**? You're incompetent, unjust, unloving and weak (or)/ Say you're God, and I'm not; you're holding me even through all of this Hell/ You're loving and wise, nothing can pry me outta your Hands and you'll make it end well/ Help me believe, help me believe/