Random Encounters - Resident Enis 2: Monster Gulch lyrics

[Mark] There are three kinds of people who survive in monster gulch People who become scavengers People who become bandits And people who become- [Enis] -friends with sparkly vampires! [Mark] Get outta my narration, Enis! [Enis] Sorry [Enis] (Yodeling) [Mark] Stop yodeling! You're attracting monsters! Woah woah woah, okay. Alright this is where we cross. Who's got the supply bag? [Enis] Right here! [Mark] Oh cool Why is it empty? [Enis] I thought I would use the supplies to make a trail, so we can find our way back! [Mark] We're not going back [Enis] Wow Mark, you're breath is a little stinky today [Dodger] Okay. How about you go first [Mark] Why? [Dodger] Because first smells worst, now go [Enis] Um, Dodger? We may have a problem [Dodger] Yeah, he's sparkly and likes to yodel Come on [Mark] Enis, what's the hold up? [Enis] Funny thing about vampires. We're uh... we're afraid of... W... W... [Dodger] Warts? [Mark] Wallabies? [Dodger] Wax museums? [Mark] Oh, yeah! Wax museums. Everyone's afraid of wax museums. [Dodger] Terrifying [Enis] No! Water! [Dodger] Okay, can't you like turn into a sparkle bat or something? And like, fly over here? [Enis] That's a great idea! If I just concentrate for the next twenty minutes! [Mark] Uh. Why couldn't it of been wax museums? [Enis] Mark? Mark?! MARK?! [Mark] How did you survive this long? [Mark] STOP! [Dodger] I ship it [Enis] Yes! We made it! This calls for a victory fanfare! What did you do that for? [Mark] (whispers) It's what the book said to do [Enis] Where?! [Mark] Let's keep moving! Unlike you, some of these monsters can actually swim [Enis] Garlic combs, garlic bread, garlic wings, wooden steaks, summer steaks, t-bone steaks and occasionally perpendicular intersecting line segments [Mark] So what about sunlight? Does that k** you too? [Enis] Nah, that I'm just allergic to [Dodger] Hello. What are you? [Mark] Looks like an abandoned bandit shack [Dodger] It smells like an abandoned bandit shack It's not the ritziest place we've stayed but it's not bad [Enis] Which part's the part that's not bad? [Dodger] Look, it's got a roof, it's got walls and it's got solid door! [Mark] Well... It's got a roof and walls Which might keep us alive 'til daybreak [Enis] Can't we just camp out beneath the stars? [Mark] Monster gulch isn't the most friendly place after dark If you're not indoors when the sun goes down, then you won't live to see it come back up [Dodger] Guys. Good news: There's food in the kitchen Bad news is tastes like rotten zucchini [Enis] That's my favorite! [Mark] Sun's going down We should get inside We can loot this dump and leave in the morning [Enis] And miss this gorgeous sunset? [Dodger] Don't worry Enis, think of it like a sleepover [Enis] I love sleepovers! [Enis] This is not like a sleepover [Mark] Would you like to play charades? [Dodger] I would! [Mark] Let me see your underwear for a second [Dodger] We're not gonna play charades? [Mark] No, we're not gonna play charades This looks like a bedroom! Maybe I'll crawl up with a blanket Make a snack in the kitchen instead [Dodger] Is there anything interesting going on outside? Nope [Mark] Really? [Dodger] Hey buddy. Been a little quiet. Which I honestly didn't think was possible for you [Enis] Guess I'm just a little bit homesick Never been away from the mansion for so long [Mark] You've been gone for one day! [Enis] I don't get out much [Dodger] Look, I know that... this place feels a little creepy Huh? And weird? But, Mark's creepy and weird [Mark] Hey! [Dodger] We still like him, huh? Cheer up, Enis No need to feel so sad So chin up, Enis It's really not so bad, and Just between us, There's still a million ways To put that grin Back on your face [Enis] Like what, exactly? [Dodger] Imagine the floor is hot lava, And not just a hotbed of fleas Pretend that this bloodstain's A painting! And that we're heisting A fine masterpiece! Make believe that These creepy inscriptions Show a pa**ageway Built in the wall! It's not easy to see, But kid, take it from me, That this place isn't So awful at all! [Enis] You're right, I feel way better! [Mark] There's a secret Pa**age in the kitchen- [Enis] -This isn't a mold-ridden sofa! [Dodger] Oh yeah? [Enis] It's a pony named Buckaroo Jones! [Dodger] Okay... [Enis] And here's a Shakespearean actor, Who looks like a pile of bones! Hey! This isn't a chamber for torture, It's a spot to drink Tea with our dolls! [Dodger] Maybe we should drink Coffee instead... [Enis] Pretend this thing's a grenade! [Dodger] That was actually a grenade... [Enis] But hey this isn't... A waffle at all! [Dodger] It's not "waffle," it's "awful!" [Enis] Tastes fine to me! [Dodger] This place may be Smelly and scary... And it may be the Last place we see... [Enis & Dodger] But I know that, for sure, There is one certain cure To endure it all, Take it from me! [Mark] Grah, all right, look We are DONE with make-believe! There's no floor made of lava There's no BUCKAROO JONES, And there's NO TEA PARTIES EITHER! [Enis] The hand grenade was real! Sorry... [Mark] You guys want real? Here's what's real About this place This place really reeks Like an outhouse, And really has mildew to spare! I'm really creeped out By this portrait, And I really wouldn't Sit in that chair! The food in the fridge is expired! Something's dripping halfway Down the hall! [Enis] Let's pretend it's a pool! [Dodger] Oh yeah, that would be cool! [Enis & Dodger] This really isn't... So awful at all! A puppet show Made out of curtains! [Mark] This is the Worst thing I've seen! [Enis & Dodger] A three-player role-playing game! [Mark] What does this attribute mean? [Enis & Dodger] Extreme indoor racing; Fine wine and cheese tasting! [Mark] I still think it's Pointless and lame! [Dodger] Imagine we're all in A sword fight! [Enis] With garbage instead of Real swords! [Mark] I'd like to pretend We're a rock band! But it's clear that We don't know any chords... [Enis] Pretend that that shadow's A giant, Not a guy who's been There all along! [Mark] What? [Enis] Weren't it all in our heads, We would probably be dead, But this place isn't... So awful at all! It isn't so awful at all [Enis] Wow that was really good. Who was singing the ba**? [Bandit] I did [Enis] Oh, that makes sense. AH! [Enis] Hi, you must be... the home owner! I love what you've done with the place [Dodger] That uh... Hi... That torture chamber, that's just for show. Right? [Mark] Definitely not for show! Definitely not for show! [Dodger] Not for show. Not for show [Enis] So he DOES host tea parties! [Mark] Time to go! [Bandit] Don't run away! [Bandit] Haven't you heard? This place isn't so awful at all! [Dodger] You know what IS gonna be awful? That headache in the morning! [Mark] The sun's up [Dodger] Guess we should grab our things and get the heck outta here? [Enis] And leave this guy's awesome stuff?! [Mark] There are three kinds of people who survive in monster gulch People who become scavengers People who become bandits And people who become friends with sparkly vampires Apparntly we're all three