Rachel Bloom - California Christmastime lyrics

[Verse 1: Rebecca Bunch, played by Rachel Bloom] Well, you can take your snow and shove it This is our Christmas and we love it It's a hundred degrees This elf is Vietnamese That's the way the California does it [Josh Chan, played by Vincent Rodriguez III] Even our Santa has a suntan He's also an unemployed stuntman [Rebecca] Is he even awake? [Santa (speaking) played by Sean van der Wilt] Yeah, I'm just really baked [Josh] If he can be Santa Claus Anyone can! [Chorus: Rebecca & Josh] California Christmastime It's just a Golden State of mind Chet's nuts roasting in the bright sunlight [Rebecca, speaking] Put on some pants, Chet! [Rebecca & Josh] And what would Christmas be without Historically low mountain snow Causing staggering drought [Josh] But hey, this egg-nog fro-yo's super tight! [Rebecca] Super tight! Cause this is California And we do Christmas right! [Josh, speaking] [Off-screen back-up singers] Mmm, so good! California Christmastime [Verse 2: Darryl Whitefeather, played by Pete Gardner] Don we now our surf apparel And we have our own kind of Christmas carol [Paula Proctor, played by Donna Lynne Champlin] It's this chick named Carol, she does henna tattoos [Darryl] Carol's 50, but no judgements – she's still finding herself [Rebecca, Josh, Darryl, Heather & Carol] We're all finding ourselves! [Greg Serrano, played by Santino Fontana] OK, there is no easy answer [Heather Patel, played by Vella Lovell] For our high rates of skin cancer [Carol, played by Murphy Cross] It took my dad's life [Santa Claus] And it k**ed my wife [Greg, Heather, Carol & Santa Claus] Hang ten, Rudolph and Prancer! [Chorus: everyone] California Christmastime We gather 'round and sing songs by Sublime And all our local reggae bands are white The kids get lots of Christmas toys on Christmas morn Cause daddy makes big bucks directing p**n [Rebecca] They may have gonorrhea, but at least it's not frostbite! [Everyone] It's not frostbite! Cause this is California And we do Christmas right! [Everyone] California Christmastime California Christmastime California Christmastime California Christmastime California Christmastime California Christmastime [Rebecca] California Christmastime Calif… [speaking] You have places to be, I get it