Rachel Bloom - Greg's Drinking Song lyrics

[GREG] Gather ye 'round And I'll tell you a tale Of all the great times I've had with an ale There's joy and there's glory More than you can think Yes this is what happens to me When I drink! I pee my pants! My pants! I pee my pants! I get up from the bar To find pee on my pants! I say it's water But all it takes is a glance For people to realize I peed my pants! [WHITE JOSH] Wow, I did not know it was that bad [GREG] Yes wine can be fun White, rosé and red 'Till I call up my boss To say I wish he was dead! Chase down the regret With some gin for good luck! Then steal my cousin Jim's Landscaping truck! Drive home then I puke on my cat! My cat! I puke on my cat! I fall through the doorway And puke on my cat! Poor little Bruno Did not expect that! I tried for the toilet But puke on my cat! While some can enjoy A scotch with a steak Or one gla** of wine Then they're barely awake For me it's much different What happens when I try to have one It just turns into ten And then... I fly a plane! A plane! I fly a plane! I knock on the co*kpit Shouting "I'll fly this plane!" We emergency landed The TSA came Now I'm banned from Southwest Cause I try to fly planes! EVERYBODY! [ALL MEN, except GREG] He has s** with a bush! A bush! He has s** with a bush! [GREG] That wasn't a woman? [ALL MEN, except GREG] No it was a bush! It had twigs and leaves Cause it was a bush! [GREG] That's where that scar comes from! [ALL MEN, except GREG] From s**ing a bush! But he's breaking the cycle And making a push! He's quitting his drinking And saving his Pants and his Cat and Southwest and Jim's truck [HECTOR] And my car [WHITE JOSH] My car too! [ALL MEN] And a bush!