Professor Elemental - Penny Dreadful lyrics

[Upper cla** Englishmen talking] Ohh... What a bloody, bloody foggy night. Oh god yes. Oh, I will have a brandy, yes, thank you. Cheers. Do you know I, I heard from the commons that they're thinking of giving women the vote? -laughter- I wouldn't give women a goat! Bloody harlots! Yes, yes, well I don't think Jack the Ripper is that, that bad a thing really. Not really, no. Between you and me. And what of Professor Elemental? What of him? That damned fool? Don't ask! Last thing I heard, he was, making some kind of contraption to turn, jam into a new fuel, nearly set fire to the house of commons. Oh lord... I, I heard he went to the north pole, wearing only his top hat, and tried to catch penguins to use as servants! Oh, doesn't surprise me. Yes, yes I even hear tell he's been trying to fly like some kind of foppish man-bird! -laughter- That damned orangutan or his is a**isting him to make some sort of winged contraption. Oh, well after what happened to his last a**istants, I'm not surprised he's resorted to primates. That's him! Oh no, no... Oh god, he's brought that damned monkey in... Oh what's he wearing? Oh, oh look what he's doing to the butler... -inaudible- He's not even a member of this gentleman's club... I don't know how he does it... Right, stay down, stay down... [Professor Elemental, spoken] Gentlemen, gentlemen! Hello! Good to see you all! Oh, don't mind Geoffre... Geoffrey get down from there! Oh I'm so terribly sorry... I'll wager you haven't heard about my new invention? No? I'm going to fly gentlemen! Like a bird through the sky! [Verse the first] Would you care for some snuff? I just can't get enough Trust you're here for the tour Well explore if you must I'll direct through trap door To many an oddity Bought from the foreigners Out in the colonies Ideas, got a headful One man penny dreadful The marvelous, eccentric, Professor Elemental The year's 1880, and the race for the sky Is what every inventor, is aching to find In search of adventure With a well waxed moustache And a splendid top hat I'll have the last laugh Hard graft, dark arts And I've crafted an ark And I've studied the stars, on parchments of the past I'm mastering my destiny Constant creation Awaiting patiently, for a nation's adulation I'm making a promise, creating a thing To take to the air, on mechanical wings! [Verse the second] In this steam-room for months Lifting these lumps Pistons and pumps Shift and then shunt Aided by my patient, companion by my side A pet orangutan with a mechanical eye But that's by-the-by A whole other story Today I will fly in my moment of glory Well dressed My 'tache is waxed to perfection Unveiling my best and my grandest invention Time to cause scandal A ship of oak pannels Balloons, wings, a stove Ropes and bra** handles It's loud, yet serene The crowd gave a scream I launch to the sky above houses and streams Soaring past clouds beyond towns in between And I'm shouting so proudly Announced on the scene So God save The Queen! 'Cause everything is possible For a man in a top hat With a monkey, with a monacle! [Speaking] Ohh, this is the life, eh Geoffrey? Flying through the sky, just me and my monkey. Take the wheel while I have a piece of cake. [Verse the third] If a gentleman is known By the state of his dwelling Let's say that my quarters Are really quite telling Most men don't want it badly enough From the opium dens To the travellers club Good christ we're too high! Monkey steer from the sky Thank the lord that I brought my spare air supply Take care, dive soon Oh we'll land on the moon Foolish ape, don't try to spike the balloon with a spoon! You lunatic we're doomed! This adventure is hurtling And crashing Into London's town centre And swerving -inaudible- I deflate, I charter to land Oh I'm cursing my ape It's not part of the plan I smash up Big Ben Crash the palace confused My ape takes the crown But the Queen's not amused I've produced quite a mess But I'll keep my mind clear 'Cause tomorrow I'll have my next finest idea!