George R. R. Martin, please write, and write faster You’re not going to get any younger, you know Winter is coming, I’m growing impatient And you’ve still got two more damn books left to go So write, George, write like the wind! I curse the day that my friend ever loaned me An old dog-eared paperback called Game of Thrones How could I know that this seed would grow into An addiction that held me, right down to my bones Now, five books later, I lurk with the ma**es Indignant, entitled, and waiting for word That the great Bearded Glacier has finally published Nine hundred more pages of crack for the nerds Why does every new verse of your song Keep taking you so goddamn long? George R. R. Martin, please write, and write faster please give us boiled leather, and sigils and steel We need our allotment of incest and intrigue And six page descriptions of every last meal So write, George, write like the wind! Lewis took five years to chronicle Narnia Tolkien had twelve years, and Rowling took ten Lucas spent nearly three decades on Star Wars And we all know how that one turned out in the end You’re not our b**h, and you’re not a machine And we don’t mean to dictate how you spend your days But please, bear in mind, in the time that you’ve had, William Shakespeare churned out thirty-five friggin’ plays And if you keep writing so slow You’ll hold up the HBO show George R. R. Martin, please write, and write faster ‘cause we won’t stop whining until we’re appeased Crap out the chapters–and George, while you’re at it Stop k**ing our favorite characters, please And write, George, write…like the wind! (George R.R. Martin, please write, and write faster Before you are dead, George, please write like the wind)