Patti LuPone - The "Q" Man Loves Nobody lyrics

Quagmire: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪ ♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody but himself. ♪ Patti: ♪ I never knew how twisted a fellow could be. ♪ Quagmire: ♪ Hey, I guess it's good I never told ya I'm into pee. ♪ Patti: ♪ Don't you ever listen to your inner conscience? ♪ Quagmire: ♪ Oh, sorry, babe, I wasn't listening, what? ♪ Patti: ♪ You really are total scum. ♪ ♪ If only you could see the man that you've become. ♪ Quagmire: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪ ♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody, ♪ Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪ Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪ Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪ Quagmire: ♪ But my own sweet flippin' self. ♪ All right, look, whatever your problem is, just get it off your breast-chest. Patti: ♪ I thought you gave me your heart. ♪ Quagmire: I gave you VD, isn't that enough? Patti: ♪ You said that we'd never part. ♪ Quagmire: Oh, I was just kidding. Patti: ♪ You gave me your lovers' vow. ♪ Quagmire: ♪ Ha! If you really thought I meant it, you oughtta get your head examined right now! ♪ Patti: ♪ You told me you'd never stray. ♪ Quagmire: Well, that's cause we hadn't had s** yet. Patti: ♪ And then you just walked away. ♪ Quagmire: Ain't I a stinker? Patti: ♪ Your attitude really stank! ♪ Quagmire: ♪ Look, you don't need to be a genius to see that I was giving you the yank yank! ♪ Patti: What else did you BS me about? Quagmire: Well, since you asked… ♪ Remember when I said I was going down the block ♪ ♪ To grab a couple boozers with a pal? ♪ Patti: ♪ Yeah, you had a friend from college that you had to meet. ♪ Quagmire: ♪ No, I was at the women's shoe store looking at feet! ♪ Patti: What? Quagmire: ♪ Remember when I said I had a dental checkup? ♪ ♪ Well, let me say that I give quite a root can*l. ♪ Heh, heh, all right. Patti: ♪ You promised me that you'd be true. ♪ Quagmire: ♪ Hey! To me you're just vagina number 6-0-2 Quagmire: ♪ Baby, you were crazy if you thought I loved ya ♪ ♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody, ♪ Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪ Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪ Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪ Quagmire: ♪ But my own sweet flippin' self. ♪ Patti: What do you have to say for yourself, you slime? Quagmire: Can I just squeeze your left tit a little bit? Patti: You're the most insensitive man I've ever met. Quagmire: Aw, that's not true; I've got feelings the same as the next guy. Well, last week, my grandma died, I was really uspset. Patti: Oh, I'm sorry. Quagmire: So, how about a hand job? ♪ Cause the “Q” Man loves nobody, ♪ Patti: ♪ You really love nobody, ♪ Quagmire: ♪ And boy I mean nobody, ♪ Patti: ♪ And boy you mean nobody, ♪ Quagmire: ♪ But my own ♪ Both: ♪ Sweet, flippin' self! ♪