Doctor doctor, what is wrong with me? This supermarket life, is getting long What is the heart life of a color TV? What is the shelf life of a teenage queen? Ooh Western Woman Ooh Western Girl News hound sniffs the air When Jessica Hahn goes down He latches onto that symbol of detachment Attracted by the peeling way of feeling The celebrity of the abused shell, the belle Ooh Western Woman Ooh Western Girl The children on Melrose strut their stuff Is absolute zero cold enough? And out in the valley, warm and clean The little ones sit by the TV screen No thoughts to think No tears to cry All s**ed dry Down to the very last breath Bartender what is wrong with me? Why am I so out of breath? The captain said 'Excuse me ma'am' 'This species has amused itself to d**h' Amused itself to d**h It has amused itself to d**h Amused itself to d**h We watched the tragedy unfold We did as we were told, bought and sold It was the greatest show on Earth But then it was over We oohed and ahhed We drove our racing cars We ate our last few jars of caviar And somewhere out there in the stars A keen eyed lookout spied a flickering light Our last hurrah Our last hurrah And when they found our shadows Groups 'round the TV sets They ran down every lead They repeated every test They checked out all the data on their list And then The alien anthropologists Admitted they were still perplexed But on eliminating every other reason for our sad demise They logged the only explanation left This species has amused itself to d**h