[Intro: Mik** Pane] Ladies and gentlewomen Join P Money, Fem Fel and I on some ignorant sh** [Verse 1: Mik** Pane] Listen, as far as women go Wouldn't exactly say gigolo Wouldn't even dream of saying all chicks is hoes I've got four sisters, bro Listen though, and I'm not boasting But I relieve pain like Ibuprofen Nightly doses are highly wholesome Skeptics doubt but your wifey knows it So you keep thinking "Mike's a poet With no love-making skils" I've had no complaints about the size of my boat And I go like a navy seal Some of them are like "hey baby" expecting gifts But they don't even get two pence from this They try to get argumentative But they kick back when they get sent on spliffs I never try wife em and stay with them Get all up in the heart like Capleton On the contrary, I'm tryna make em scream And have my name on their lips like Maybelline That love sh**'s make-belief, wait and see I'll back five shots of rum After that, the only three words coming from my mouth Will be "I'm gonna cum" I'm onto bums, breast and thighs but face isn't important Mums and dads, keep me away from your daughters Sorry for that joke as it may seem awkward But I drop my pants and make em lean forward All sermon, all fours, I'm all for A foursome to force my boredom away Then they all splurt before dawn when their boyfriends call em But when they're horny, they say [Hook: Mik** Pane (Katie Price) x2] (Hey baby) I'm not your baby (Hey baby) I'm not your man You've had one too many Bailey's I don't think you understand (Hey baby) I'm not your baby (Hey baby) I'm not your man You've had one too many JDs I don't think you understand [Verse 2: Fem Fel] I didn't even tell you that I like it, did I? Did I? Did I? Nah, nah, nah I didn't I act all nice to get in her knickers Then boast that I'm after s** without kissing Never gonna happen, I told you Should've got the hint when you asked me to hold you Should've got the hint when you tried to phone me And it got picked up by a guy called Tony, wrong number Stop with the baby, heard? Can't you see I'm stocked up on the baby words? That means when you're gone, someone else gonna come and Do the same thing that we did tonight And when we're done, I don't wanna know about your taxi Or how much you think it costs Learn your lesson, the next time I promise something I'll have my fingers crossed, yeah [Hook: Fem Fel (Katie Price) x2] [Verse 3: P Money] (Hey baby) Um, wait, whoa What do you mean, what's wrong? You're acting weird I feel like it's a love song I don't care if I left you An hour ago, imagine I was gone for long Cause I'm long gone, I don't like the word baby, when I hear it I get scared, thinking "I'm sure I had a condom" Let me ask you what's wrong? Three Ws, you're crazy.com You only go down on guys that you love Well you blew early, you set the bomb wrong Telling me you wanted something sweet You should've gone France and got yourself a bon bon It's not my fault that it's big and black And kept your legs warm at night, no wonder why you called it Long John [Hook: P Money (Katie Price) x2] [Verse 4: Mik** Pane] Some of you might hear this and label me Wrong, perverted or sick When I first showed my friend to the b**hes, they called him Richard The longer version of Dick Some of them are like "hey baby", honest you're wrong love What are you on love? Last week in the bath this baby appeared and your friends Screamed "Loch Ness monster" I get vexed waiting, let's do something X-rated Get naked and make kids, let's have a race, if You cum first, you lose, so you know You've gotta take it slow, pace makes you waste it This ain't basic "make no mistake" sh** I don't play, you'll be shaking for ages How else can I say this? I'm craving A n***a's out of jail after all of eight years And don't lie, saying you faked it Cause I never gave you paper, you mad slag Let's keep it real, I'm made of steel And the only thing fake is your handbag Act nang, get flashed like Gordon and I'll be ming And you can scrap that talk of a diamond ring I'd order and buy you things the same day Dwight Yorke leaves sport and tries to sing But as long as he scores, I do the same I don't ever try lose a game You ain't gotta be a whiz kid to figure out what I want But I advise you to use your brain When we're done, I don't wanna know about your taxi Or how much you think it costs Learn your lesson, the next time I promise something I'll have my fingers crossed [Hook: Mik** Pane (Katie Price) x2] (Hey baby)