Ogden Nash - The Joyous Malingerer lyrics

Who is the happy husband? Why, indeed 'Tis he who's useless in the time of need Who, asked to unclasp a bracelet or a neckless Contrives to be utterly futile, fumbling, feckless Or when a zipper nips his loved one's back Cannot restore the zipper to its track Another time, not wishing to be flayed She will not use him as a lady's maid Stove-wise he's the perpetual backward learner Who can't turn on or off the proper burner If faced with washing up he never gripes But simply drops more dishes than he wipes She finds his absence preferable to his aid And thus all mealtime chores doth he evade He can, attempting to replace a fuse Black out the coast from Boston to Newport News Or, hanging pictures, be the rookie wizard Who fills the parlor with a plaster blizzard He'll not again be called to competition With decorator or with electrician At last it dawns upon his patient spouse He's better at his desk than round the house