Off Topic - Senior Home Rhymes lyrics

Fairy tales, nursery rhymes, promises, and lies Anything's better than real life sometimes Click my heels and hope for better weather and sunshine Hope my girl's cheating and that kid's not mine Cross my arms and wiggle my nose but that building won't explode And my ankle-cut stocking's full of coal Think happy thoughts but I'm still a gravity victim Think more happy thoughts but my vertical is still inches Let the force flow through me but I can only sink ships And I haven't quite nailed the mind trick I caught some gamma rays from the microwave but my complexion stayed the same And that spider bite turned red but I can't spin a web I spoke "Enter" in Elvish and the entrance ignored us So I drove up to the window and I ordered These jigawatts wouldn't get me to the future or the past It turns out this Flex Capacitor's a waste of cash I named my computer Hal and he k**ed the air conditioning I said the pa**word was Joshua but I guess he wasn't listening Said Beetlejuice three times, I even did it in rhythm But I guess that doesn't work if you're living The goblins helped me out, but I couldn't solve the labyrinth Thankfully I don't believe in magic so nothing bad happened This girl I know is kissing frogs, looking for a prince Now she can't get a date with all those warts on her lips I tried her gla** slippers on and got gay-bashed with a bat Then the tooth fairy stiffed me for my missing molars and caps So all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth Instead I got a blender and a Crazy Straw from '83 And this is coming from my Tell-Tale Heart But if you dig into my basement throw Sloth a chocolate bar And I don't have a cornfield so the only signs I get Are from my fellow Earthlings, third finger from the left And my bike never flew, but it never had a basket Looking back I'm glad it didn't, 'cause I might have got my a** kicked Played all my records backwards, looking for the hidden caption Now the voices in my head are telling me to take an Aspirin And those green M&M's got ingredients special I got the secret though, they're made out of people So in six to eight weeks I'll get that special delivery Y'all will be in trouble when I get my decoder ring You might be saying, "Man, how dumb could this kid be?" But I'm not the one watching reality TV Unimaginable damage happens to these Adam's apple poet weaklings Spit jagged shrapnel, break TriForce in eight pieces Believe this graduate's experienced at writing thesis k** 'em one by one and endanger the species, yo This is the plot twist that climaxed the never-ending script Exercise my Voodoo Economics on these kids The lowest lyricist don't benefit from trickle-down tactics Every time I drop a track, DJ's invest in new wax and compact discs Fairy tales, nursery rhymes, promises, and lies Fairy tales, nursery rhymes, promises, and lies