Nouns - I Still Want To Make You Proud lyrics

" Infected youth Grow spokesmen of gray She loved him so And he left He said he wished her to die And she cried Closer, still To whatever may come of heartbreak Then she found her self self sea sick Lost in an ocean Without her pharmacy fisherman And she found it was too hard To stand up on her own She wished she could die Never mind The growing weight In what she can't stomach Left in the womb all alone She lost that baby on her own She just laid still Left in the womb all alone She lost that baby on her own She became still After that she never felt right She just laid still Still Never told anyone about the child She just stayed still Still She told me And I cried Still And I died I died a small bit I died And now I think about it all the time Would it be better Would it be nicer Than me I hope that I'm not right I can't face that kind of life Shadowed by someone never alive But how could she love me After her heart was broken in two How could she be proud After her heart was taken from her I wonder about my sibling If a heaven has a Place For Her But god you work so strangely You take smiles so quickly So quietly A blade can cut so quickly But my legs won't die so quietly I don't want to keep going I've got to keep going If not for my mother Then for the one we've lost Still A better world A nicer world How can I redeem myself For my Failure I'll never know her She was never here I am failing To live on For myself I'm sorry I love you I'm sorry I didn't Say it enough You could've asked Why I am alive Why am I Alive " — J.D