NF - Mansion lyrics

[Chorus: Fleurie] Insidious is blind inception What's reality with all these questions? Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in (slept in) Broken legs but I chase perfection These walls are my blank expression My mind is a home I'm trapped in And it's lonely inside this mansion [Verse 1: NF] Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in lyrics They're all over the place, there's songs in the mirrors Written all over the floors, all over the chairs And you get the uncut version of life when I go downstairs That's where I write when I'm in a bad place and need to release And let out the version of NF you don't want to see I put holes in the walls with both of my fists 'til they bleed You might get a glimpse of how I cope with all this anger in me Physically abused, now that's the room that I don't want to be in That picture ain't blurry at all, I just don't want to see it And these walls ain't blank, I just think I don't want to see 'em But why not? I'm in here, so I might as well read 'em I gotta thank you for this anger that I carry around Wish I could take a match and burn this whole room to the ground Matter of fact I think Ima burn this room right now So now this memory for some reason just won't come down You used to put me in the corner, so you could see the fear in my eyes Then took me downstairs and beat me 'til I screamed and I cried Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind But Ima keep the door shut and lock the lyrics inside [Chorus] [Verse 2: NF] Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in pain See my problem is I don't fix things I just try to repaint, cover em up, like it never happen Say I wish I could change. Are you confused? Come upstairs and I'll show you what I mean This room's full of regrets, just keeps getting fuller it seems The moment I walk in to it is the same moment that I wanna leave I get sick to my stomach every time I look at these things But it's hard to look past when this is the room where I sleep I look around. One of the worst things I wrote on these walls Was the moment I realized that I was losing my mom And one of the first things I wrote was I was shot with a call But I should just stop now, we ain´t got enough room in this song And I regret the fact that I struggled trying to find who I am And I lie to myself and say I do the best that I can Shrug it off like it ain't nothing like it’s out of my hands Then get ticked off whenever I see it affecting my plans And I regret watching these trust issues eat me alive And at the rate I'm going they'll probably still be there when I die Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind The question is: Will I ever clean the walls off in time? [Chorus] [Verse 3: NF] So this part of my house, no one's been in it for years I built the safe room and I don't let no one in there Cause if I do, there's a chance That they might disappear and not come back And I admit I am emotionally scared to let anyone inside So I just leave my doors locked You might get other doors to open up but this doors not Cause I don't want you to have the opportunity to hurt me And I'll be the only person that I can blame when you desert me I'm barricaded inside So stop watching I'm not coming to the door So stop knocking, stop knocking I'm trapped here God keep saying I'm not locked in I chose this I am lost in my own conscious I know that shutting the wall down ain't solving the problem But I didn't build this house because I thought it would solve ´em I built it because I thought that it would be safer in there But it's not, I'm not the only thing that's living in here Fear came to my house years ago I let 'em in Maybe that's the problem Cause I've been dealing with this ever since I thought that he would leave, but it's obvious he never did He must have picked the room and got comfortable and settled in Now I'm in the position it's either sit here and let him win Or put him back outside where he came from, but I never can Cause in order to do that I'd have to open the doors Is that me or the fear talking? I don't know anymore