Nerf Herder - Allie Goertz lyrics

[Verse 1] I've got a checklist of all of the things that I want in a girlfriend I put a lot of time thinking of the attributes 'Cause I'm a detailed oriented guy And I finally found a woman who's funny and smart And likes pastrami And wears cool gla** And sings about the Simpsons Yes, her name is Goertz Yeah, that name is right here on my checklist Check it out! [Chorus] All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz 'Cause I like to know what she's doing All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts When Allie Goertz walks by And she's friends with Chris Hardwick And he's not friends with jerks Oh, she's like Lucy Ricardo And I'm Fred Mertz Oh, Allie Goertz [Verse 2] Sometimes she makes a tweet And it's just so very funny that it makes me cry 'Cause it's plain to see that she's out of my league I get depressed and I have to lie down Maybe I should write and sing a little song for her No, that's a bad idea That would creep her out and I don't want to do that Oh no, I'm already singing a song for her Somebody stop me! [Chorus] All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz 'Cause I like to know what she's doing All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts When Allie Goertz walks by And she's friends with Chris Hardwick And he's not friends with jerks Oh, she's like Lucy Ricardo And I'm Fred Mertz Oh, Allie Goertz [Spoken] Parry: Oh, hey Stephen. Thanks for coming over. I really appreciate it Stephen: No problem. What can I do for you? Parry: Well see, there's this girl. Here's her picture. Do you think I should go for it? Stephen: Hmm. I think that you are way too old for this girl Parry: Too old? Stephen: Yes Parry: Dude Stephen: That's what I think Parry: That's not cool. That's ageism and it's lame. Forget it. You take your little Speak-n-Spell and your Presidential Medal of Freedom and get out of here. The nerve of that guy [Chorus] A little birdie chirps Miley Cyrus twerks And it's all for Allie Goertz All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts When Allie Goertz walks by All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz 'Cause I like to know what she's doing I eat frozen desserts 'til my head hurts 'Cause they're sweet and cool like Allie Goertz All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz [Spoken] Stephen: Now I will find this Allie Goertz and make her mine. Ha ha ha ha ha