Monty Python - Stoning lyrics

Official: Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath ... Matthias: (to Official's Helper): Do I say "Yes"? Official's Helper: Yes Matthias: Yes Official: You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the Name of our Lord and so as a blasphemer you are to be stoned to d**h Matthias: Look, I'd had a lovely supper and all I said to my wife was, "That Piece Official: Blasphemy! He's said it again Women: Yes, he did Official: Did you hear him? Women: Yes we did. Really Official: (suspiciously) Are there any women here today? (The women all shake their heads. The Official faces Matthias again.) Official: Very well, by virtue of the authority vested in me ... (One of the women throws a stone and it hits Matthias on the knee.) Matthias: Ow. Lay off. We haven't started yet Official: (turning around) Come on, who threw that? (Silence.) Who threw that stone? Come on Women: (pointing to the culprit, keeping their voices as low in pitch as They can) She did *He did.* He. Him Culprit: (very deep voice) Sorry, I thought we'd started Official: Go to the back Culprit: Oh dear (disappointedly goes to back) Official: There's always one, isn't there? Now, where were we? ... Matthias: Look. I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying "Jehovah!" (Sensation!!!! The women gasp.) Women: (high voices) He said it again (low voices) He said it again Official: (to Matthias) You're only making it worse for yourself Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah (Great Sensation!!!!!!) Official: I'm warning you. If you say "Jehovah" once more ... (He gasps at his error and claps his hand over his mouth. A stone Hits him on the side of the head. He reacts.) Right! Who threw that? Women: (high voices) It was her It was *him* (low voices) It was him Official: Was it you? Culprit: Yes Official: All right Culprit: Well, you did say "Jehovah." (The women all shriek and throw stones at her from very close range. She falls To the ground stunned. Quick cut of Romans reacting. They shake their heads And mutter to each other.) Official: Stop that. Stop it, will you stop that. Now look, no one is to Stone anyone until I blow this whistle. *Even*...and I want to Make this absolutely clear...*even* if they *do* say "Jehovah."