Michael Croiter - Stuck lyrics

[HEALER #1] I have a degree [PHIL CONNORS] That's nice [HEALER #1] In alternative therapy [PHIL] Okay [HEALER #1] Took an online course for a week or two [PHIL] Maybe we should-- [HEALER #1] I think we should begin with a nice bit of reiki [PHIL] Reiki? [HEALER #1] Unblock your chi [PHIL] What's chi? [HEALER #1] It's dooby dooby, tra la la It's holistic therapy [PHIL] What does that mean? [HEALER #1] It's energy Vibrations in something magnet-y Dooby diddly pom pom pom Now piss [PHIL] What? [HEALER #1] Piss [PHIL] I just-- [HEALER #1] Piss into this [PHIL] I don't have-- [HEALER #1] I'll an*lyze your isotopes And something something quantum quantum [PHIL] I'm stuck I'm just-- [HEALER #2] I think you're allergic to gluten [PHIL] Stuck, I'm It's like I feel like I'm trapped in a loop Like I'm unstuck in time [HEALER #2] Well I think cutting out gluten [PHIL] I'm [HEALER #2] Is the smartest solution [PHIL] Fine [HEALER #2] Better a diet of soup [PHIL] Soup? [HEALER #2] Made of rhino foreskin [PHIL] I think I've lost my mind [HEALER #2] How about [PHIL] I can't seem to find my way out of [HEALER #2] An enema [PHIL] What? [HEALER #2] Would you like an enema? [PHIL] Existentially I'm [HEALER #2] Some essential oils [PHIL] Essentially I'm [HEALER #2] Organic teas [PHIL] Who needs enemas with friends like [HEALERS #1 & #2] I don't even know if I believe what I'm sayin' This guy is clearly nuts but he is desperate and he's payin' Statistically he might as well be sittin' home and prayin' For all the good that I can do I don't have a frickin' clue what I'm doin' Though there are things that we just don't know It doesn't mean you shouldn't give giving an answer a go [HEALER #2] Now open your bu*t up to weep it [PHIL] I'm not sure how this will help [HEALERS #1 & #2] Just want to get to the bottom of it [PHIL] I'm stuck I'm just stuck [HEALER #3] I have a PhD [PHIL] Finally [HEALER #3] In psychiatric pharmacology I specialize in mental illness [PHIL] Good [HEALER #3] In cows [PHIL] What? [HEALER #3] Let's treat your depression With a course of fluoxitol [PHIL] I'm not depressed [HEALER #3] You're not? [PHIL] No! [HEALER #3] You must be delusional So take some acepromazine And a couple of c**apromine And widely I'd advise ya To try this tranquilizer Although maybe you should just take half [PHIL] Okay [HEALER #3] It says whole ones for cows [PHIL] I'm not a-- [HEALER #3] And half for calfs [PHIL] Right [HEALERS #1, #2 & #3] I don't even know if I believe what I'm sayin' This guy is clearly nuts but he is desperate and he's payin' Statistically he might as well be sittin' home and prayin' For all the good that I can do I don't have a friggin' clue [HEALER #4] In my medicine cupboard There's a bunch of L. Ron Hubbard [HEALER #3] There are only twelve steps and they shouldn't take long [HEALER #4] We just need a sample of Your stool and your semen [HEALER #1] You have Satan within you We must exorcise your demons [HEALER #3] Take this pill [HEALER #4] Read this book [HEALER #2] Eat your vegetables uncooked [HEALER #1] It's your karma [HEALER #2] It's just toxins [HEALER #3] It's for constipated oxens [HEALERS] Well that ought to loosen you up [PHIL] I am stuck f**, okay [PHIL] One, I'm still sleeping and this I'm just dreaming And two, it's a prank, and everyone's in on it Three, it's a flashback from when I was twenty And ate magic mushrooms and thought I was Aquaman Four, it's some kind of reality show Five, it's amnesia, six, it's a stroke I think I am losing my m-- [HEALERS] I don't even know if I believe what I'm sayin' This guy is clearly nuts but he is desperate and he's payin' Statistically he might as well be sittin' home and prayin' For all the good that I can do, I don't have a frickin' clue what I'm doin' Though there are things that we just don't know It doesn't mean you shouldn't give giving an answer a go You just have to open your [HEALERS] That'll be five hundred bucks [PHIL] What the f-- [HEALER #3] A check is fine [PHIL] Fine [HEALER #1] Karma [HEALER #3] Toxins [HEALER #2] Enema [HEALER #3] Oxen [HEALER #1] Jesus [HEALER #4] Semen [HEALERS] Alcohol!