Matt Stone - Turn It Off lyrics

[ELDER MCKINLEY] I got a feeling That you could be feeling A whole lot better then you feel today You say you got a problem Well that's no problem It's super easy not to feel that way When you start to get confused Because of thoughts in your head Don't feel those feelings! Hold them in instead Turn it off, like a light switch Just go click! It's a cool little Mormon trick! We do it all the time When you're feeling certain feels That just don't feel right Treat those pesky feelings Like a reading light And turn 'em off Like a light switch, just go BAP! Really, whats so hard about that? Turn it off! [ELDERS] Turn it off! [ELDER CHURCH] When I was young my dad Would treat my mom real bad Every time the Utah Jazz would lose He'd start a-drinking And I'd start a-thinking How am I gonna keep my mom from getting abused? I'd see her all scared and my soul was dying My dad would say to me: "Now, don't you dare start crying" [ELDER MCKINLEY] Turn it off [ELDERS] Like a light switch Just go flick It's our nifty little Mormon trick Turn it off Turn It Off [ELDER THOMAS] My sister was a dancer, but she got cancer My doctor said she still had two months more I thought she had time, so I got in line For the new iPhone at the Apple Store She lay there dying with my father and mother Her very last words were "Where is my brother?" [ELDER CHURCH] [ELDERS] Turn it off Yeah! Bid those sad feelings adieu The fear I might get cancer too [ELDER MCKINLEY] When I was in fifth grade I had a friend, Steve Blade [ELDERS] Oooh, Steve Blade He and I were close As two friends could be We could be close One thing led to another And soon I would discover Wow I was having really strange feelings for Steve I thought about us, on a deserted island We're all alone We'd swim naked in the sea And then he'd try and... WOAH! Turn it off! Like a light switch There it's gone Good for you! My hetero side just won! I'm all better now Boys should be with girls That's heavenly father's plan So if you ever feel You'd rather be with a man Turn it off! [ELDER PRICE, spoken] Well, Elder McKinley, I think it's okay that you're having gay thoughts, just so long as you never act upon them [ELDER MCKINLEY] [ELDERS] No, because then you're Just keeping it down Like a dimmer switch On low On low Thinking nobody needs to know! Uh oh [ELDER PRICE] But that's not true! [ELDER MCKINLEY] Being gay is bad But lying is worse So just realize you have A curable curse And turn it off Turn it off Turn it off Turn it off! (The ELDERS dance.) [ELDERS] Turn it off! [ELDER MCKINLEY] Now, how do you feel? [ELDER PRICE] The same [ELDER MCKINLEY] Then you've only got yourself to blame You didn't pretend hard enough Imagine that your brain is made of tiny boxes And find the box that's gay and CRUSH IT! Okay? [ELDER PRICE, spoken] No, no, I'm not having gay thoughts! [ELDER CUNNINGHAM, spoken] Alright! It worked! [ELDERS] Yay! Turn it off, turn it off Turn it off, turn it off Turn it off, turn it off Like a light switch just go click (click click!) What a cool little Mormon trick! (trick trick!) We do it all the time! [ELDER MCKINLEY] When you're feeling certain feelings [ELDERS] That just don't seem right Don't seem right Treat those pesky feelings Like a reading light A reading light Turn it off Like a light switch on a cord Now he isn't gay anymore [ELDERS] Turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it Turn it, turn it, turn it, turn it Turn it [ELDER MCKINLEY] Turn it off!