Mathew Baynton - Dick Turpin, Highwayman lyrics

[DICK TURPIN] Everyone thinks they know the story Of Dick Turpin's highway glory But my past is far more gory Was no saint You think life is one big antic My profession is romantic Hate to be pedantic But it ain't (Huh!) As a butcher down in Ess** I was handy with a knife Had a sideline as a poacher Led a less than honest life The notorious gang of Gregory Liked my style and dedication They signed me up and gave me A real robber's education We rampaged through the Ess** farms We stole and robbed and fought But when the law came for us I escaped and they got caught I became I highway man Was daylight robbery (Huh!) I was no prince charming Nothing dandy about me (Huh!) The truth is, I was violent And with my good mate, Matt King Robbed travelers at gunpoint Money, watches, anything! My horse, it wasn't called Black Bess Though that's what you've read Was no romantic hero Shot not one but two men dead The legend that surrounds me Misses out the crucial part I was a ruthless k**er With a ruthless k**er's heart! Was a vicious highwayman A source of pain and tears (Huh!) When you hear how my story ends You won't believe your ears (Huh!) I ran away to Yorkshire Changed my name to John Palmer Was sent to prison After stealing chickens from a farmer Wrote a letter to my family A plea it did relate The postman saw the envelope And here's the twist of fate He had taught me how to write So he'd knew I'd lied "that's not John Palmer's hand! That's Dick Turpin's!" he cried! Was a vicious highway man My crimes had brought me fame (Huh!) Was stitched up by a postie That's not glamorous That's lame (Huh!) No more stand and deliver You'll remember this, I hope (Huh!) It's no fun hanging with highwaymen When you're Hanging from a rope!