Mary Karr - Suicide's Note: An Annual lyrics

I hope you've been taken up by Jesus though so many decades have pa**ed, so far apart we'd grown between love transmogrifying into hate and those sad letters and phone calls and your face vanishing into a noose that I couldn't today name the gods you at the end worshipped, if any, praise being impossible for the devoutly miserable. And screw my church who'd roast in Hell poor suffering ba*tards like you, unable to bear the masks of their own faces. With words you sought to shape a world alternate to the one that dared inscribe itself so ruthlessly across your eyes, for you could not, could never fully refute the actual or justify the sad heft of your body, earn your rightful space or pay for the parcels of oxygen you inherited. More than once you asked that I breathe into your lungs like the soprano in the opera I loved so my ghost might inhabit you and you ingest my belief in your otherwise-only-probable soul. I wonder does your d**h feel like failure to everybody who ever loved you as if our collective CPR stopped too soon, the defib paddles lost charge, the corpse punished us by never sitting up. And forgive my conviction that every suicide's an a**hole. There is a good reason I am not God, for I would cruelly smite the self-smitten. I just wanted to say ha-ha, despite your best efforts you are every second alive in a hard-gnawing way for all who breathed you deeply in, each set of lungs, those rosy implanted wings, pink balloons. We sigh you out into air and watch you rise like rain.