Mark Yakich - Macklemore's “Penis Song” lyrics

[Intro] Ladies and gentlemen Introducing, the penis song (oh no he didn't) (Honkey dick) [Hook] This is my penis song I wish that I had a bigger shlong One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long One of those p**no king kong dongs [Verse 1] Check it out I wish my dick was bigger, I can admit it I'm above average on inches but I want a damn double digit If I had a big ol' co*k what would I do? I'd probably go to Florida and show it Katrina and screw Get bu*t naked and start streaking at my school And get arrested but at least the girls would be impressed With my third leg and, and then I'd go to a keg and Do a keg stand, get drunk and do the running man With no clothes on just to show off My dick's bigger than yours when mine is cold and soft Haha, oh yeah I forgot that's not really the co*k that I have I went out and party-bagged 'em and quickly opened the package And it fit me like Kriss Kross's old school starter jackets Trying to convince myself like, "Size doesn't matter," Anyways I'd probably just put it on backwards cause I mean I know that god made us all different and special But sh** did he really have to invent lopsided testicles? I don't have them I just I feel bad for the like you know the guys with like you know Their left one hangs like lower than the right one Kinda like a lazy eye like on your balls I mean I don't know, I just just heard that.. I feel bad [Hook] [Interlude] Yo ladies Yeah? Ladies! Yeah? Do you want a guy with an average dick? Hell no Then- wait you don't? No you honkey dick Okay that's cool, no that's fine [Verse 2] I promise, I'm so self conscious That's why you never see me skinny dippin' in August Always walkin' around with my hands in my pockets trying to pump blood into my guy Alfonso I mean, goddamn I don't think you girls understand I've had a complex since that song Short Short Man And even though girls have told me that I'm big when I watch a p**no I feel like a little kid I mean, let's take Ron Jeremy Now if a girl sees him she'll compare him to me And every MC in hip hop has got a huge co*k Or at least talks about it in every song that they drop I mean, sh** If I was really hung I'd make a whole album called Me and My Dick With interludes of all the girls that I'd been with And talk about my package and multiple orgasms Cause all that I see is that size does matter We got Enzite, penis pumps surgery to Viagra But when it all adds up you can't really change it I'm not a p**no star I just gotta face it You know, what can I do This song goes out to like all the like little bit above average dudes So like all the small dudes, medium dudes but all you big dudes stop [Hook]